Descending || m.c.

Chapter 11

Michael's POV

"What's going on, Mike?" Ashton questions just as the door clicks shut behind Hadley. He takes a seat across from me on the end of my bed; one leg crosses over the other. Half of me is screaming at myself to go after Hadley, to let out all the words that I had held in once Ashton came in the room, and the other half of me won't let myself even stand up from this bed. I let my face drop to watch as I my fingers idly play with the bracelets on my left wrist; I shake my head. 

"Nothing, Ash," I mumble.

"Michael," he says sternly, causing me to look up. "Are you and Hadley together?" I shake my head, gnawing at my lower lip with my teeth to try to bite back the sudden overwhelming urge to cry. I couldn't cry; I didn't cry. "Michael."

"Ashton," I snap. "We're not fucking together; we're friends."

"What was that I walked in on, then?" he asks. "Her face between your hands, her hands on yours, like what am I supposed to think?" My cheeks heat up; I had just known that he had saw that.

"She was crying, I was just trying to comfort her," I whisper.

"Crying? About what?" 

"I made a mistake," I reply honestly. "I accidentally suggested that AJ come out here, and I was just gonna play it off as a surprise when I know damn well that she hate surprises; they make her anxious and sick. I admitted that to her and I guess it rubbed her the wrong way and she just started tearing up and it--" I run a hand through the hair at the nape of my neck. "--it broke me so I didn't even think twice about what I did, I just did it. It hurts me to see her upset, and I can't deal with having her upset with me."

"I literally thought I walked in on you two making out," he laughs.

"Would you just stop that?" I say rather harshly. "Just stop it, stop it. It's not funny, none of it's funny; teasing about us flirting isn't funny and I'm just so sick of even hearing the stupid shit that comes out of you guys' mouths sometimes. It pisses me off and it upsets me and it gets me nowhere; it effects my playing and my singing. All of it messes me up, so just please fucking stop it."

Ashton's eyes grow wide and then he blinks rapidly, "Michael?"

"Ashton, I'm--" I stop, putting my head in my hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I feel like such an asshole."

"Wanna tell me what's really going on?" he says, completely ignoring my outburst.

"I'm not sure," I respond.

"Hey, mate," he pushes on my shoulder, forcing me to look up. "I'm not gonna judge you no matter what it is; it seems like you've been down about it for a while. Now that you've said it, I can see where everything effects your playing and stuff. I'm sorry for the band's shenanigans. But c'mon, talk to me about it. It seems like you need to let it out."

I bite my tongue for a second, leaning my head back against the wall. 

"I mean you don't have to tell me, but it may make things easier on--"

"I like Hadley," I say, not opening my eyes. "And I mean as more than friends; I like her a lot and it's eating me up inside. That's why when all of you pester us about flirting that it bothers me so much. The second any of you say anything, she stops picking on me or doing whatever it is she was doing to flirt to begin with. Hadley will freeze and just go all rigid and I hate that. I love the way she smiles at me when I'm messing with her or just pissing her off for the hell of it; it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And those little freckles across her cheeks that I used to tease her for? I love every single one of those because they give her this little childlike innocence even though she's far from it, and it's just perfect for her. There's probably so many little things I noticed just because I'm around her so much that no one ever pays attention to. Oh, and then she's got these cool ass tattoos, too." I stop for a second, smiling to myself. "And fuck, if she didn't have the perfect body and just perfect everything to go along with how incredible she is. I know that aspect isn't really important but it just makes it so hard to not stare at her all damn day. How does she do this to me?" I finally open my eyes, looking directly at Ashton who now sits cross legged in front of me on the bed with his jaw hanging wide open. I reach forward and push his jaw shut. 

"That's the most I've ever heard you say about a girl," he laughs. "Are  you sure you're Michael Clifford?"

"Shut up."

"But dude, wow," he whispers. "I had a feeling that you liked her but that's actually really nice. It's kinda cute."

"ASHTON."

"WHAT?" he giggles. "I'm just being honest, here, mate don't get so defensive. Have you tried telling her any of that? Like how you feel about her?"

"No.." I say, ducking my head down again. "I haven't because I didn't wanna ruin our friendship or make things more complicated. Even if I did tell her and she didn't feel the same I would still wanna be friends but I'm not sure if she would feel the same way."

"Mike, she flirts with you just as much as you flirt with her. There has to be a possibility she feels the same way," he urges. "Why not just blurt it out? Who knows? It may make you feel better."

"I was actually gonna tell her right as you walked in," I admit. "I was in the middle of saying I had something to tell her and then you came in my room."

"Why didn't you just tell me to wait?!" he yells.

"Because I got nervous!" I defend.

"Dammit, Michael," he laughs; before I can process what he's doing, he's on his feet and pulling me up to stand by the arm.

"What are you--"

"I'm gonna make you go talk to her is what I'm doing," he insists, pushing me towards the door as my feet try to prevent it the entire time; we must be a sight with him doing this, pushing me out a door like a child that doesn't want to go to the doctor.

"Ashton, not now," I protest. 

"Later?"

"Later." I say it to get him out of the room; I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the pounding noise resided in my ears. Ashton could keep a secret better than Luke and Calum; it was one of the main reasons why I had even gave in and opened up to him in the first place. It felt nice to be able to speak about liking Hadley, to let it out in the open and let my feelings fall into place. Hell, maybe I should tell her; I was just so scared. I was scared of rejection and her denying me because I may not be good enough for her. I couldn't offer things like some other guys could like a simple, private dinner at a nice restaurant. Fans would swarm the place and I wouldn't be able to do shit about it. But I wanted nothing more than for her to know about this wonderful, awful, sickeningly sweet feeling I had for her; a feeling that consumed my body and entire being. Hadley was perfect; we could be perfect. She just doesn't seem to see things the way I do.