That Which Doesn't Kill You, Just Fucks With Your Mind

We're The Same

I excused myself for a cigarette and invited Claire. She kindly declined and I smiled before leaving the house. The front porch looked bigger than I first thought and I picked the farthest corner from the front door. I was mid light when Ricky walked back up the steps. I smiled in his direction and inhaled.

"Do you have an extra?" He asked quietly from behind me. I nodded and handed him my pack. He handed it back and I expected him to walk off but instead he stayed. "Usually I smoke alone but a partner seems ideal at the moment." He smirked and lit his cig.

I chuckled and nodded. "Same here." From the corner of my eyes it seemed that he was looking at me but when I glanced over, he was looking at the street. I continued to smoke before he spoke again.

"Do you ever suddenly get thoughts that haunt you again like they did years ago?" He didn't move a muscle even though I nearly coughed.

"Yes why?" My heart rate sped up and my palms started to sweat. Where was he going with this?

"Me too." He mumbled. I thought he was finished but his voice filled the air again. "I used to know this girl. And she meant the world to me. But I was a jerk after I joined this band. We broke up and I don't remember her. I don't remember her name, her number... Not even her face. It used to bother me every night on tour. I slowly forgot everything about her." He paused and smoked more of his cigarette. Tears slid down my face and I wiped them away quickly.

"Maybe she's right in front of you." I whispered. He shook his head.

"She's probably long gone and over me."

I looked down at the ground. "Maybe she isn't. Maybe she remembers every night you had together. Maybe she kept everything, remembers every moment and every kiss. Maybe she misses you. Maybe she misses your kisses and your laugh. Maybe she misses her world." I looked up and caught his stare. He pondered my words and shrugged.

"Even so, she'd never forgive me." He stomped out the cig and shoved his hands in his pocket. I put out mine and faced him. "You remind me a lot of her actually."

We stood still and held our gaze. I wanted him to remember. I wanted to slap him and tell him everything. But I could barely breathe. He smiled and brushed a piece of hair from my eyes. He walked inside and left me alone.

"He'll never remember..." I whispered to myself and followed him inside. I sat on Chris's lap and leaned back.

"You okay?" Chris pinched my thigh and I squeezed his hand.

"Yeah I'm fine."

* * * * *

The sun was setting slow above the mountains. It seemed we had spent all day hanging out with our friends. We finally shared goodbyes and walked out to the car. I looked up to the sky and stared at the beautiful colors. The clouds were smeared like white paint on a pink canvas. Purple hues were splattered here and there and bits of blue tried their best to peak through. I was so involved in finding the colors, I hasn't noticed Chris and Claire were in the car and Ricky was standing with me.

"Beautiful isn't it?" He stared at the clouds just as I had and smiled. I looked at him and nodded my head. We shared a smile before he walked to the car. I followed slowly. The drive home was quiet except for when Ricky asked if he could stay the night.

"Sure." Chris grinned but frowned when he remembered the rooming situation. Claire shot him a heated glare and he piped up. "I mean, uh, you have to sleep with me of course." He stuck his tongue out and glanced at Ricky from the rear view mirror.

"Um, why?"

"Well Claire and Blaze used to sleep together. But since I'm staying, they got a second bed. Claire sleeps there and I sleep with Blaze. If Blaze sleeps with Claire then you're with me." He paused and grinned. "Or the couch."

"I'll take the couch." Ricky answered quick and laughed. Chris groaned.

"Ricky! Come onnnnnn." He drew out the last word making Claire and I laugh. Ricky laughed and shook his head no so Chris pouted the rest of the way home.

We made our way to the flat and Ricky threw himself on the couch. Chris yelled no and picked Ricky up and threw him on the bed. I was laughing uncontrollably and walked into the kitchen. I could hear them bickering in the room still so I talked to Claire.

"So guess what happened?"

"What?"

"When I was out smoking, Ricky joined me. He started talking about me to me. He remembers how we dated and stuff but he can't remember my name, my number, or my face. But I told him, you know, maybe she's right in front of you. He still didn't get it. I could of thrown a brick at him with the picture taped to it and he probably still wouldn't have remembered." I sighed. "It's so confusing.."

Claire grabbed my hand. "Maybe it's best he doesn't remember?" I nodded my head. I grabbed a glass of water and walked out. Claire left to the bathroom for a shower. Ricky laid on the couch, staring at his phone.

"Where's Chris?" I sat on the coffee table across from him. He glanced up but back down again.

"I think he's sleeping already, I don't know." I walked away and found Chris knocked out cold on the bed. He didn't even take of his shoes so I did it for him. He woke up and smiled at me.

"When are you coming to bed?" Chris whispered and turned over.

"Whenever I'm tired." I kissed his cheek and closed the door. I had nothing else to do so I bothered Ricky.

"Mind if I watch some TV?"

Ricky shook his head. "I'll join you." He moved over and made room for me. I sat down and sighed. The voices on the TV were quiet so I closed my eyes to relax.

After a short time, I shot up. I guess I had fallen asleep so I started to get up. Ricky's head prevented that because he had fallen asleep on my lap. I took this moment to actually stare.

His eyes were closed peacefully and his day old eyeliner still looked fresh. His lips were chapped just a bit and his black lip piercing stuck out against his pale skin. Ricky's black hair lay like a silk curtain against his face and he smiled a small smile.

I sighed. He looked so comfortable. Should I move anyway? Or should I stay. Chris would be upset if he found me like this.

I grabbed a pillow and replaced my thighs. I got the blanket from the recliner and lay it over him. His eyes fluttered open and mine met his.

"Thanks."

I smiled and nodded my head. I was walking away when he called my name.

"Yes?"

"What's your real name." It wasn't much of a question but I answered anyways.

"Georgia." He pondered my response and shook his head. I laughed. "Get some sleep Ricky." We mumbled our good nights and I climbed into bed with Chris. He pulled me closer and I sighed before closing my eyes again.