That Which Doesn't Kill You, Just Fucks With Your Mind

Can't You Tell I'm Drowning?

My eyes fluttered open to the smell of fresh coffee. It was strange waking up on a couch a thousand times more comfortable than the tour bunks and my body wasn't exactly used to it. I stretched and earned a few cracks here and there and hobbled to the kitchen.

My leg was still new to walking without a cast but it felt nice. I didn't have the extra few pounds to carry around and I was to start physical therapy soon. Of course, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it.

I turned the corner into the kitchen and Lila and Foxy nearly ran me down. I chuckled at them and looked up to see Claire gripping her coffee mug with extreme intensity. When she saw me standing there, she looked up and plastered on a fake grin. She grabbed my cup and handed it to me. I wasn't in the mood for it but with the state she was in, I knew that if I didn't accept it she might just fall apart right there in front of me.

I was in the middle of drinking and staying sane in the horrible silence when my phone rang. 'Abigail' still occupied the fun of being my ringtone and I thought back to when I first met Ricky again. I smiled and walked outside to take the call.

"When are you coming back?" Chris didn't even say hello.

"Well hello. And later than I thought. Claire and I just talked and it's a lot to deal with. I'll be back tomorrow I assume." We shared our goodbyes and I turned around to find Claire staring at me. She chewed her lip furiously and I rubbed my eyebrows.

"So, how'd you sleep last night?"

"Fine." Her voice was quiet and she rubbed her arms. After some time, she looked at me again. "Am I really too much to handle?"

I raised an eyebrow and sighed. "No Claire. I've just... I've been stressed out. And yeah, I don't know how to handle myself."

Her brow furrowed and she pursed her lips. "What about me? I was stressed out too. I've been stressed out. Last night was you seeing me for the first time in weeks. I've been that like every single day. What about me Blaze? Couldn't you tell I was drowning?" Her eyes had tears and she hid her face. I crossed the space between us and hugged her. We slid down to the ground and leaned against the wall. Claire's sobs were soft and sharp.

How could I be so blind? She wasn't mad at me, she was calling for help. The arguments were an opening for me to find out what was wrong and I didn't see it because I was too involved in myself. She was dying inside, broken, and I was too involved in myself to notice.

I kissed the top of her head and offered my help. "It's too late," she sobbed, "It's already tearing me apart." I nodded my head and still offered. I would stay here even if it took all night just to find out what was hurting my best friend.

"I'll never leave you Claire. I'll always be here because you deserve the best. You're my best friend and I won't let anything separate us."

She looked up at me and smiled. A tear snaked it's way down her cheek and I wiped it away. I adjusted my arm around her shoulders and leaned my head against hers. "Tell me everything." She sighed and began her story. Everything that was right, everything that was wrong, and I sat and listened. We stayed outside talking until the sun disappeared behind the building. I had never felt so close to Claire and I knew from this moment on, she would always be my best friend.