Touche Cliche ― The Book of Cliches

-more ya cliches

07. explicit / ya cliches

It's 28°C outside, I'm hot (in every sense), I'm salty, let's do this. These aren't necessarily in romance, but they're usually a staple of this. Graphic content you already know though.

✵ INEXPERIENCED FEMALE PROTAGONIST; EXPERIENCED MALE PROTAGONIST; 

Ok, this isn't always the case, but, for most of the books I've read, this is the case. There's nothing really wrong with this, it can and will occur in the world along with inexperienced males and experienced females, but this is just done to death. Everytime I read the protagonist say, 

❝He's had so much more partners than I, lil' ol virgin me, have.❞

I roll my eyes. Never mind the fact that, in fanfictions at least, this is one of the tell-tale signs that the author has inserted themselves into the story. Most people, sorry for generalizing, who write fanfictions are female and thirteen or under and will hopefully not have had any sexual experiences so they insert themselves with their favourite fictional character an imagine doing the do with them.

✵ INEXPERIENCED, BUT OH SO GOOD;

Of course, I wouldn't know anything because I'm forever alone (please laugh at my self-deprecating humor), but wouldn't you need, maybe, a tiny bit of practice at sex before you git gud? 

Practice makes perfect, right? I mean, wouldn't expect a virgin to give earth-shattering sex to a partner. Sex can be awkward, that's the charm of it, you don't have to keep up appearances. 

I know I sound kinda cringy, but, what I'm trying to say is, the characters are not a projection of the author: characters can be exceptional, but the author can be a sack of shit; and the characters can be piss-poor, but have really good creators. 

So, if you find yourself doing this and the above mentioned, just distance yourself from the character (*cough* *cough* end of chapter 2, thank you *cough* *cough*). 

✵ FAKE RELATIONSHIPS;

This one just annoys me: this usually happens when the love interest cheats on the main character (great!) and then the main character decides to use a friend to get back at the love interest. Yay! Using someone emotionally to get back at someone you shouldn't even be associating yourself is totally okay and something we should be preaching as okay to teens. 

You don't use someone, ever. I wouldn't mind as much if the person was in on in it, but, most of the time, they aren't. Why do people think this is acceptable? It's just so wrong. 

✵ CHEATING IS ACCEPTABLE, KIDS;

No, no it fucking isn't. I'm so sick of reading these YA books where a character is already in a relationship, but, here comes the love interest, let's cheat! I don't understand why people cheat in the first place, much less write it in a book. Now, there is one very specific situation where  this isn't bad: the character is being abused. Only time that is acceptable. 

I just recently DNF'd a book because the protagonist had a thing for two guys which was already iffy, but I still read on. Now, the girl, let's call her Cunt, Cunt would kiss her boyfriend, he's called Cuck, and then go to her second boyfriend, he's called Caricature, and sleep with him (classy!). Now, both Cuck and Caricature had no clue they were being used by Cunt which is what I call psychopathy.

Anyways, Cunt goes on to get preggers and that's where I slammed the book down and left it, it's still at my desk. Well, not anymore now ;).

✵ MISUSE OF SELF-DEPRECIATION;

I know I use self-deprecation as a joke, but this is serious. I'm so tired of opening a book and seeing the main character is like. 

❝You know, I look like a snack: blonde, long, smooth hair; big, pink lips; curvy, hourglass figure; doe-like, blue eyes; and soft, luscious skin, but you know, I'm so ugly. Justin Bieber will never love me.❞

Really? Do you think you could, you know, add any imperfections to her body so she'd have a right to be self-conscious? Like stretch-marks, blemishes, pimples, scars, burns, vitiligo, keratosis pilaris, cleft lip, the list goes on. 

You can't make a character very conventionally beautiful and then have them feel self-conscious, it's offensive to the people who genuinely suffer from it. Or you could just make a character pretty/handsome and then have them own their bodies, nothing wrong with that unless they're putting people down to raise themselves up aka Narcissism.

[That's it, guys, hope you enjoyed this rushed out chapter that contributed to nothing]

WORD COUNT; 819

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED; Mon, 25 Jun at 11: 10pm