The Quarters

Stunned

The next few hours crept away slowly. I was in a slight state of shock and was not doing that well in proccesing what had just occurred. I couldn't think straight. My parents would not be notified until the morning and I was nervous that I would be getting kicked out. I was supposed to be doing my homework, but I just sat at my desk and stared at the wall in front of me. 

My roommate was having trouble grasping what just happened. I sat down with her, and our other two best friends that lived down the hall, because I wanted to explain.  They had a vague idea of what I was doing, but I never really went into much detail with them. One of the other girls, Eliza, was participating in a situation somewhat like mine. Except that she was in a position higher up than I was. She understood and was the most sympathetic towards me out of anyone. She was slightly disappointed in me that I had gotten caught, however.

 My roommate, Chloe, was appalled. She honestly had no idea. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, it's just that I really did not want to have to deal with her being judgmental or her attempts to persuade me out of doing what I was doing. I clued her in before I called for an emergency "family meeting" as we liked to refer to them. "Y-you did what?" she stammered, looking at me wide-eyed. She highly disapproved, I could tell by the expression on her face. She was easier to read than a picture book. Much unlike the third girl that sat across from me. 

My best friend, Lauren sat stony-eyed with an expressionless look on her face. She was one of the only people that I had trouble reading. One eyebrow was slightly raised, and her icy blue eyes pierced my stormy grey ones. I thought I saw a glimpse of sadness flicker over her face. I understood. Eliza and Chloe were more focused on the drama of the situation instead of the possibility, that after tomorrow, I would never see them again. Lauren was the only one focused on that. I knew that she did not want to lose me, but talking about her feelings was not a trait that Lauren possessed. I gave her a sad smile, but she still remained expressionless. 

Our conversation was interrupted by the call for lights out. Eliza and Lauren went back to their room, promising that they would sneak back in later. I shakily walked to my own bed and crawled in with no real intention of sleeping. I was shaking in my bed. A few tears slipped down my cheek, and soon I was silently sobbing into my pillow. Chloe was sitting up in bed looking at me. Her head was cocked to the side, which is what she did when she was thinking about something. I waited for her to say something. "Why'd you do it?" she asked. She sounded annoyed and disappointed at the same time. "I don't know," I said, "But I did, and now I'm in trouble, and I'm really really scared." She crawled from her bed over to mine, facing me. We talked for almost an hour and I felt slightly calmer after she announced that she needed to go to bed. I was considering doing the same when my phone screen lit up. One message from Eliza. "come to our room" it read. I tiptoed down the hallway to their room, careful of the squeaky floorboard near the bathroom. I found both Lauren and Eliza on the worn out leather couch in their room, both with a cigarette dangling in one hand. Wordlessly, Eliza passed me one along with a lighter. I lit it, inhaled, and blew the smoke out, and began to speak. "I'm really scared. I messed up, really bad this time. And I don't know if I can fix it. I don't want to leave, this is my home and you guys are my family. My parents are not going to handle this well. I'm going to get kicked out, and my parents going to send me somewhere that can handle me like they've been threatening for years. I can't believe I let it come to this, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." A tear rolled down my cheek, and I saw that Eliza's eyes were brimming with tears as she understood what this was.

 She slid her arm around my waist, "Is this goodbye?" she softly asked. This hit me hard. "I don't know." I replied, "I hope not." Lauren still hadn't spoken. She suddenly stood up, "You know what?" she said, "No. No way in hell am I letting them kick you out, neither is Eliza, or Chloe, or Mike. We'll fight for you, Parker. But yes you really did fuck up, and this doesn't mean I'm not mad at you. Because yeah, I'm pissed. But I really don't want to have to be here without you, Park." I got up and threw my arms around her. "I love you, Laur," I said. "I love you too, P, she replied. Eliza, teary-eyed joined our embrace and we pulled apart. I climbed in Eliza's bed with her, neither of us had to say anything, we just mutually understood. She was telling me that there was no way she was going to leave me alone tonight, and I was telling her I couldn't be alone tonight. I stared at the ceiling for almost an hour, before drifting off into a light sleep.