liquor lips ➵ zero two

04 ; forbidden

"two girls, how could i be your 'darling' i'm not a man, that can't work," y/n said, bangs falling over her eyes.

zero two merely scoffed at the girl and strutted away. you see, the idea of zero two piloting with her excited her, and that terrified her. she didn't know what she was feeling but she knew she wasn't supposed to. subconsciously scratching at her arm, y/n went off to meet up with the rest of her squad.

//

recently miku had pointed out i've been clawing at my arm a lot. i didn't exactly realize it but i think everyone's has taken notice to it.

zero two has been avoiding me since i denied her request, she hasn't spoken a word to me, in fact she's been quite cold.

i can feel my heart thumping rapidly, i think it's anxiety. i feel odd. i don't think i regret what i said, i can't possibly pilot a franxx with another girl, especially her.

i don't like that i've upset her though. i'm shaking thinking about this situation, i don't like this. i don't want to be taken away for feeling like this, i don't want to disappear.

the more i think about it, no her, the more sick i feel, i can't deal with this.

i got up and ran to the washroom, i'm sure a few people noticed me. as i saw a flash of pink hair, why, why, why.

i buckled over the toilet vomiting harshly, choking and coughing a bit as well. i'm breathing heavily now and i can feel eyes on the back of my head, it seems i've attracted an audience.

wiping my mouth and turning around i see all the girls from squad 13, even zero two. i wasn't expecting that. i'm still shaking.

"y/n," kokoro said softly.

"don't worry about it, it's fine," i say making my way to the sink.

i need to bush my teeth, this taste is awful. i hate it. all the girls left. dropping onto my knees, i put my hands over my face. i can feel the heat of my laboured breaths against my hands, and i can smell my minty breath.

god, pull yourself together. no, why do i need to? i'm fucking useless! it's only a matter of time before i get taken away, just like the other kids. why do i care? it won't make a difference what i do.

taking a deep breath i stand up and exit the bathroom.

i'm useless, trash. i don't have a purpose, so it doesn't matter what i do now, right? i can do whatever i want. the outcome remains the same.

//

y/n stomped up the stairs, most of the team had eyes on her.

"y/n, you're clearly not fine, what happened?" ichigo questioned, clearly concerned.

turning her neck around to meet ichigo's concerned eyes, y/n peered down, bangs shading her face, with a look of disgust plastered over her.

"i said i'm fine, are you deaf?" y/n's voice was low.

ichigo nearly choked on her words. no one had ever seen y/n act in such a way before. her words sent shivers down her teammates spines and left a dark, malicious aura in the room as she stomped off.

zero two was shocked, she had never seen such a dark aura from such a bright person. she couldn't help but feel like it was her fault, she'd been ignoring y/n, she kissed her, without her permission, y/n hates her. that was her conclusion.

//

it's deep into the night, yet i can't seem to sleep. my window was open. i looked out watching the rain. artificial rain but rain none the less.

i heard what sounded like a whimper or a choked back sob from outside. i want to go see what it was. maybe an animal but it seemed too.. human.

quietly tip toeing out of my room, careful not to wake anyone, i made it outside. the rain is quite heavy. i don't really care though.

i walked over to where i think the noise came from, but i don't see anything.

"monster, monster, monster. i killed him, i broke her, she hates me, he hates me, they hate me,"

it sounds like zero two, was she what made the noise? ah.. who's she talking about? i followed the muttering but not too close. most of it's incoherent.

i sigh.

"why?" i step out and ask zero two.

she looked alarmed and doesn't respond.

"why are you crying?" i ask.

still nothing. i place my hand on her shoulder and she flinches.

"who hates you?" i question further.

she seemed to flinch again at the word 'hate'.

"you know, you're not really one to get shaken up so easily, it really does make me curious as to who is important enough to make you this way," i speak quietly.

i feel something odd, placing my hand on my chest. she still doesn't respond, but she watches me carefully, she seems like a scared cat.

"i think, this odd feeling is jealousy? i read about that once. i don't know why i'm jealous though. say, zero two, tell me. who is it i envy?" i ask.

"you, you're, jealous? why?" zero two mutters quietly.

"answer me first," i say.

"i- you. you hate me, don't you? they all hate me, you hate me, why are you out here, why are you touching me? i'm a monster. why are you here, why?" zero two spoke up, finally.

"do i come across that way?" i ask getting closer to her.

"you see i've been thinking, i'm useless, my stamen died. i'm going to be thrown away, no matter what i do at this point. so, why do i have to act how i'm supposed to if it doesn't matter, right?" i spoke close to her ear.

i picked up her cold, drenched hand, placing it over my heart. she watched carefully.

"do you feel that? i think it's anxiety, i get that when i'm around you, it makes me upset. you know, two girls shouldn't pilot a franxx or be as close as we are right now. but no matter, you're special, you're useful. they'll keep you," my voice became lower.

"if i do disappear like the other children, i'd like to leave a mark at the very least. so, zero two, can i leave it on you?" i asked, our bodies now flush against each other.