Fear of a Name

Chapter Seventy-Nine: Remembering

There was screaming coming from above me, screams of pain. It sounded like a girl.
I stood up quickly and looked around, taking in my surroundings. I had to take them in, for I wasn't in the hospital wing, which was where I'd been when I'd fallen asleep. I was in a cell. My cell. The one at the Manor.
Panicking, I tried to open the door, but something was wrong. I didn't have my wand. I couldn't do wandless magic. And now that I thought about it, I seemed to have shrunk as well.
Oh Merlin... this is the first one... the first nightmare... the first memory...

My thoughts were interrupted as another scream came from upstairs. I started banging on the door of my cell, desperate for the screaming to stop, not caring what the consequences would be for me. I yelled as loud as I could, but still the screams continued. After a few minutes of this I gave up and slid down the wall to the floor, crying, just waiting for my father to say those two words to end the girl's life.

"Avada kedavra!"
Even though I'd been expecting it, my body went numb with shock. Someone had just died. A girl. A ten-year-old girl had just been murdered by my father. I barely registered the sound of my mother's high heels coming down the stairs. I couldn't quite process what had just happened. A girl had just been killed.

The door flew open, and Mother came in, looking sickeningly happy.
"Your father wants to see you."
She grabbed my arm and pulled me upstairs, where my father was stood by the lifeless body of a girl. She had long, black hair, which was matted and held in clumps by blood. Her body was covered in cuts, many still bleeding, and her ice-blue eyes stared without seeing.

My father smiled at me, a terrifying smile that sent shivers down my spine.
"Your sister is dead."
I collapsed onto the floor next to my sister, silently begging for it not to be true. She couldn't be dead. She'd been my only source of comfort and solitude for the past six years of my life, she'd promised everything would be ok. Tears streaming down my face, and with Mother and Father both laughing in the background, I just about managed to whisper her name.
"Adrienne..."

***

I woke with a start, my body shaking with emotion, my face wet with tears. Memories flooded through my mind — memories of my sister, both happy and sad... memories of her hugging me, of her trying to keep me safe, of her being tortured just so that Mother and Father would leave me alone... memories of her telling me everything was going to be alright...
But it wasn't alright. My father had killed her... I hadn't even remembered her since I was seven...
I curled up into a ball and just broke down crying as yet more forgotten memories surfaced.

I was two, and she was six. She was trying to stop me hearing the screams coming from one of the other cells, from a girl about the same age as her.

I was three, and she was seven. She was begging for Mother not to hurt me, to hurt her instead.

I was four, and she was eight. Our father had just got his body back, and wanted to give us both the Dark Mark. She gave in; I refused. He tortured me. She screamed at him to stop.

I was five, and she was nine. I'd just had the Cruciatus Curse used on me for the first time. She was sure it was all her fault, and she hated herself for not protecting me from our mother.

I was six, and she was ten. Father had given her a mission to do, but she couldn't complete it. I heard her screams... he said those two words... and then there was silence.

I was seven. It was exactly one year after she'd been killed, and Mother wouldn't stop reminding me of that fact. The knife was in my hand before I knew what was happening. I cut into her side with it once, twice, three times before she got over her shock and stopped me. She was furious. Father was furious. My punishment lasted for weeks... and that was when they removed the memories.

"Ivory?"
Still shaking, I forced myself to stop crying, and raised my head from the pillow slightly. Harry was looking worriedly at me from the bed next to mine.
"Y-yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing," I muttered, wiping my eyes with my sleeve as more tears threatened to escape their watery cage. "Just another nightmare."

Just then, Hermione opened her eyes.
"What's happened?" she asked sleepily.
"Nothing important," I said, sitting up properly now. "I just had another nightmare."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine," I said, giving her a weak smile. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake either of you up..."

I grabbed my wand from under my pillow, pulled the covers off me, and stood up.
"What're you doing?" Harry asked, sitting up.
"I'm going to go for a walk."
"Madam Pomfrey really won't be happy..." he said, pushing his messy hair out of his eyes, and putting on his glasses.
"It's not like she actually cares," I mumbled. "She's only keeping me here because Dumbledore asked her to."
With that, I walked to the door, which was open slightly, and slipped silently through the gap.

I stood just outside the room for a few moments, trying to think of where to go. The place I usually went when I needed to think was the Whomping Willow, but I knew I wouldn't be comfortable going there anymore, not after what had happened earlier. I couldn't go into the forest either, because Lupin was there. Actually, I couldn't really go outside at all... not unless I wanted to get attacked by a werewolf, that is.

I eventually just started to walk aimlessly around the castle, my mind too full of the memories of my sister to logically and rationally come up with a fixed destination. I was so lost in thought, I forgot to jump the vanishing stair on the staircase to the fourth floor. My foot fell right through it. I tried to pull it out, but it was hopeless. I tried to use magic on it, but again, no result. I cursed under my breath and started shaking my leg around, thinking that maybe it would miraculously come unstuck.

I didn't notice Filch's cat until it was too late.

Staring at me with lamp-like eyes, she started to mew loudly. I knew it was only a matter of time before Filch showed up as well...
Panicking, I started shooting spell upon spell at my foot, hoping and praying one of them would free it. Then finally—
Yes!
It came unstuck.
I ran, without even hesitating to think about where I was running to. I just knew I needed to get away from there, or I'd be caught by Filch, and I really didn't need that right now.

I ended up running back to the hospital wing, my heart pounding in my chest. Harry and Hermione were both asleep again. I silently walked over to my bed and sat down, checking the clock on the wall as I did so. I'd been gone for almost two hours. I put my wand back under my pillow, then lay down. My head was immediately filled with memories of my sister again.

This was going to be a long night.