The flying Paladin

Chapter 9

I groaned into my hands, dragging them down my face. This insane. There is no humanely way possible that I like both Keith and Shiro. No way. I already made the mistake of falling in love with one person, how could I make the mistake of falling for another?

We only had one conversation for Christs sake! And so what if it was emotional? Or if the setting was romantic? No, this is dumb. I don't like Shiro. It was the vulnerability. That's it. 

I was vulnerable, Shiro came to my rescue. Done. That's all there is to it.

It's a classic, damsel-in-distress scenario. Those princesses aren't stupid enough to fall in love with their knights after just one meeting. Who cares if they just rescued you from a prison you've lived in your entire life? After they came back to their senses they'd see they don't actually love the knight in shining armor. 

A knock on my door brought me out of my confused brooding.

"Lance? You've been in there for a while?" Hunk called through the door. "Are you okay?" he asked. I sighed and got off of my bed and opened the door. Hunk was standing in the doorway, his face tilted in concern.

"I'm good Hunk," I said with a smile. "Just..thinking through some things."

"Okay..." Hunk said, staring at me strangely. "Well, we're having a meeting to discuss battle plans..soo.."

"Yeah totally," I said, shoving my most convincing fake smile on my face. "I'm coming." I followed Hunk into the bridge where the rest of the team was sitting. I avoided eye contact with Keith and Shiro, knowing deep down I'd break if I saw them. 

"Ah Lance, good of you to join us," Coran said. "Come, we've much to discuss."

=========

"Holy. Shit." I said, stretching my limbs, wincing as one popped. "I am never doing this again."

"Lance you have to go to meetings," Shiro scolded gently. His eyes softened when he saw my form. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm just fine." I said, not meeting his eyes. I'm lying. 

"Lance, you need to stop bottling them up." Shiro said. I huffed. 

"I'd rather keep everything buried deep inside me then be more of a burden to other people around me!" I shouted. Shiro stepped back, taken aback by my sudden outburst. "I'm sorry, I just...I'm so good at not talking about it. It's not hurting anyone--"

"It's hurting you," Shiro interjected.

"Therefore it's not hurting anybody," I said with extra emphasis. "It's fine. I'm good at hiding my feelings. I have to be." I said trailing off.

Shiro and Keith were a thing. They were most definitely a thing, even if they weren't open about it. Who was I, but some ugly, broken piece of shit, to ruin that? They're obviously happy, in their own way. I need to keep these feelings to myself until they're gone.

I just have to....shove all my gay thoughts into a box and SQUASH IT!

"Hey Shiro, do you wanna spar--oh hey Lance." Keith said. My feathers bristled and I tried not to let them escape, the sudden urge to surround myself in a cocoon of feathers almost unstoppable. 

"Hey, I was just talking to Lance--"

"No, it's fine," I said, standing up. "We weren't talking about anything important. Go ahead and train. I'm going to go find Hunk. Excuse me." I said before leaving, ignoring a disappointed stare from Shiro.

It's for your own good. I think glumly.  

==============

"You--" lash. "--were--" lash. "--bad--" lash. "--pet!" I screamed as every last of the belt hit my bare back. I was crying , sobbing, thrashing about, trying desperately to get out of the crazy women's hold. 

"Please, no more! Please! I'm sorry!" I cried. 

"No, you were bad," she said, her teeth glinting in the light. She looked crazy. "And bad pets get punished."

"LANCE!" I shot up, screaming. I looked around. It was so bright just a second ago, was I on the ship? Was that really just a memory? I stopped thrashing when I realized I wasn't in my room. I looked around to see the light hues of the rec room. I had fallen asleep in the couch. 

"Lance are you okay? Calm down, hun, it wasn't real! It was just a dream," a voice whispered soothingly. That's when the pieces of the puzzles fit together. I had fallen asleep in the rec room, somewhere where Keith and Shiro hang out after training. I looked up to see Shiro looking at me in concern, Keith holding me in a tight hug.

"S-Shiro?" I asked, my voice hoarse from screaming. Shiro nodded.

"Are you okay?" Keith asked from behind me. "You sounded..." Keith shuddered.

"I'm fine," I said, bouncing into a bubbly voice. There was no way I was going to burden them with my PTSD. Shiro has been through way more than I have. "Sorry I woke you up. Don't worry I perfectly f--"

"Stop that." Shiro frowned.

"Stop what?"

"Stop pretending to be okay," Shiro said. I stiffened. "Lance it's okay  to be sad. It's okay to be broken." I stood up, forcing myself out of Keith's grip, despite said hothead's protests. 

"I'm okay, really. Just had a nightmare, is all," I said, walking away. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Lance wait!"

"Bye guys," I said before hurriedly slipping out of the room.

I could do this. I could pretend to not be in love with them, despite how much it hurts. Because dammit! I do love them! I wish I was just crazy, instead I'm just a dumbass who fell in love with two people, who are together! 

But, I can just pretend those feelings don't exist until they--or I--inevitably die. 

Because isn't that what any other decent person would do?