Odd Thoughts: A Collection of Quick Reads

"I'm Fine"

Tell me your worst lies. Whether it range from an innocent, small white lie, or something with enough force to change a life. Tell me your lies and let me keep them for you. Let me be your lockbox so that you can go another day a little less burdened. I'll hold your secrets and smile. I'll nod my head and talk to you when all you need is an ear to listen. Let me be your lockbox so you can be a little happier. It's not a problem. I enjoy helping my friends. "I'm fine."

I'd like to think it was true, but I lied. It's hard to lock things away in a safe you know the password to. It's too easy to retrieve your own insecurities and ponder their complexity. Think about every detail and justify how every fault is your own. Watch as your mask slowly starts to crack as you do. Your smile slips. When you listen you find yourself slipping away into thought. You start to break. "I'm fine." You say again and again. "I'm fine."

Two words meant to comfort. Two small words, able to hide pain much deeper than the skin. The world's most dangerous deceit. We are lucky in the age we live in. We're raised to be curdeous people with kind hearts and fond gazes. But we aren't taught to deal with the inevitable conflict we face within ourselves. We bully ourselves and overanalyze our downfalls. "I'm fine."

Some of us are smart. The brave one's who tell the people around them and tame their demons. Then there's the fearful ones. They are the ones who wear the most gentle expression. They laugh the most pleasant choruses and tease. They seem as happy as any when you tell them your issues. They help you without faltering. Genuine good with pure intentions, hiding sinister emotion. When their masks slip and you glimpse the bitter poison churning in their eyes, you ask them. You want to know they're problems but they are afraid to burden you. They adjust their mask to the same smile and laugh the say joyous tune. "I'm fine."

Sometimes even the broadest grin is only a thin illusion to shelter bubbling self-loathing. Watch closely those you care for and confide in. Notice when their masks slip and you can see the desperation for salvastion in broken eyes. Let them at their turn to confide. Support them. Even lockboxes need to be opened to review on the hardships that progress us. We learn to live and fight as family, but first we must all smile in true elation. We shouldn't not fear confiding truth. We should not lie to ourselves nor others, "I'm fine."