Odd Thoughts: A Collection of Quick Reads

Best Friends Forever

"Smile!"

She sang, attempting to screenshot me as I slurped at ramen noodles. My hand flew fast to cover the camera, spilling broth on my front. But we were both laughing. The picture was horribly blurry, barely a person even, but she saved it anyway.

"Wake up."

I whispered loudly, shaking her arm. It was 5am, but I hadn't slept any. She always fell asleep before midnight, but I didn't mind it. I just enjoyed being around her. She groaned, only stirring when my stomach growled loudly. We made breakfast, snickering quietly so not to wake her parents.

She's my best friend. Queen of embarrassing me in front of my crush, and master of making me laugh even when I'm trembling because I want to cry. I've been to her house so many times that her parents adopted me as their own. A second daughter. But she rarely came to my own because I had cats, and I didn't want her to get sick. We had a lot of the same friends, but she was the best if them. My oldest, most trusted friend.

"Oof, this is rough."

Her tone faltered, like she wanted to be sarcastic but there was too much truth in her words. She was referring to the friend group. They were divided. They didn't like my boyfriend, understandable, but they were going too far. Joking about killing him. About poisoning him, right in front of me. I had to leave the table, to leave them. She tried to defend him, but it was feeble. They really didn't want to make a compromise.

“I need some space.”

That was the last text she sent me, weeks ago now, my best friend.I still see her in the halls at school, but she averts her gaze like the sight of me is poisonous.

In the end, she stood in no man's land. She stood their for so long, taking hits from both sides. People venting to her about their problems with the conflict. She needed to pick a side. Mine. Or the rest of my friends.

I lost...
I lost my best friend...
I lost my friends...

I'm biting quivering lip now, tears trickling from my eyes as I watch the text in dead hope that just maybe a new message will pop up. I have no right to pull her back into my life. She chose to leave, and I love her too much not to respect that. But I miss her so much.

I miss her so goddamn much.

I miss seeing her in the morning when I used to pick her up from school.

I miss eating ramen at 3am because we were watching YouTube and forgot to eat.

I miss hearing her laugh. Making her laugh.

I miss my friend. My friends.

I should've known this would happen. I saw signs that they were getting upset. And I did nothing.

I'm useless.

This is all my fault.

I'm the one who went and ruined everything.

I fell in love and changed everything.

I'm the idiot here!

I'm the fool!

If I never existed this wouldn't have happened. They would be happy! Everyone would be happy!

My boyfriend has been comforting me, but I know what's coming.

I'll have to choose between them. My friends and my love.

I don't want to choose.

I don't want to define my life now. Either way I'll lose someone I love.

I started a war in which I can never be happy.
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I don't think I've ever seen a razor blade look more tempting.