If you're reading this...

If you are reading this...

I know life can be ruff but I promise, it will get better
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I've had a sort of sadness floating around me lately. I can't tell if it's because I see my life going nowhere and that I can't seem to picture my future or if it's the way I'm living now. I feel all alone and I'm not sure why because I have a family and friends but I can't help but to feel lonely. Lately I've been searching for the words to describe how I feel but trying to find words is like trying to grab air, you know they're everywhere but you can't seem to grasp them. We need words just like we need the air, it's almost essential for human existence. And sometimes we can feel the weight of the air around us, as well as the emotional weight of our words, how they just fall out of our mouths without any thought...
Drapetomania. An overwhelming urge to run away...
This word was used to describe a slave, who would keep trying to escape they thought it was a sickness. This word was used to describe what they thought was a sickness but was just an act, just an urge to be free. They thought they just caught the urge to run away from the air, that they were ill and dangerous.
And although I don't have it all that bad, I feel the urge to escape and be free. To run away, start new. But in order to do that, I would have to run away from myself because I'm trapped inside my self and my fears of my future, of my present, and of my past, are what creates the iron bars that trap my once free spirt.

I feel sort of melancholy and I don't really know why, but I will never have a today if I keep trying to live tomorrow, I will never have a present if I only think about my future, so I will take this time as it comes with hope that it will amount to something great. And if your reading this, I know life can be ruff but I promise, it will get better...