If you're reading this...

If you are reading this...

I'm sorry if you have ever experienced losing a loved one.
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Lately I feel nothing, I've just been going through the motions. It's a weird thing to think about, I've tried so hard to turn off my emotions to block them out when they get to be too much. And now while trying to feel any emotion, I feel nothing. You know, you try everything, hitting the wall, screaming, kicking, punching... I try to do little things that scare me, just to keep me on my toes, just to feel the adrenaline that can be mistaken as enjoyment. Like rollercoasters, which in a way, is like living. The sudden downfalls, after the anxiety ridden trip to the top. I've recently experienced a loss of a loved one, and honestly I felt so miserable but at the same time I had known weeks before hand that they were going to pass and so I guess I spent so much time crying towards the beginning that the void was already there before they had gone. And just thinking about it makes me want to cry and eat my feelings but I've tried so long to bury those feelings...

So lately I feel nothing, I've just been going through the motions. Trying to bury my feelings as we bury a loved one. And I've come to realize that it's not that simple, I will cry and that's ok. I shouldn't harbor those feelings, mourning over a loved one is natural, believe it or not it, makes you stronger because you come to realize that they haven't really left, and they will always be in your heart. However, if you've ever had to experience losing a loved one, I'm sorry for you loss...

(Stay strong my friend, there will be ruff times, there will be bad times but there will also be good times. The bad times help make you but the good times are for you to enjoy and remember forever)