Outlander: The Standing Stones

Reunion

My nerves are on edge, my apprehension so great that I cannot be still. I wanted to ride this morning but was told it was forbidden—it is not safe to be out on the road, even the scouting parties that Colum send out are at great risk. The English are on the move, and though no spy has yet given word, something is going to happen.

I can't even hold Callum, he senses my nervousness and frets and fusses until I hand him over to his nurse. It pains me that I upset my child, but I know the reason, though knowing does not make it easier.

I leave my chamber and wander around, finally ending up in the stables. I pet Rob Roy's soft velvety nose, and he presses his face up against mine as if he, too, can sense something is wrong.

Jamie comes up from behind me and puts his hand on my breasts. He nuzzles my neck with his lips, lifting my hair to kiss the soft hollow at the base of my skull. I push him away, annoyed, I am not in the mood for the love games of Jamie Frazer and his adolescent behavior makes me want to slap him.

I pull away, my displeasure plain on my face, I am sure. "Don't, I told you before it's over. You're married, you have a wife. You chose to marry Claire, but I wouldn't have married you, even if you wanted me to."

This seems to take him aback. "And why not?" he asks, clearly offended, though he shouldn't be.

"Because you behave like a Neanderthal where women are concerned. You don't want a wife, you want a combination mother, nurse, and whore who obeys your every whim. If you and Claire are so unhappy that you come around studding after me, you should maybe take a good look at the part you're playing. You chose to marry a woman you neither knew nor loved, now you have to reap what you sow."

"And what about ye and young Campbell? Did ye love him truly?" He's treading ground that he shouldn't because he's not going to like what he hears next.

"I fell in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him. I knew he loved me the first time he took me to bed and I loved him back. He fought hard to marry me when his family clearly had other plans. If he'd threatened to leave his family and take me with him, I would have gone,  gladly. His touch set me on fire like no man has before. When we pledged our troth to each other, we meant it. I would have stayed with him for the rest of my life, but he was taken from me—and it kills me that I can't do anything about it."

Jamie turned and left without saying a word, and it didn't bother me. I had insulted him without intending to, but it was the truth. The moment Georgie Campbell put his hands on me I was lost. I would always be grateful to Jamie for helping me escape the Campbells, and for bringing me to Leoch when I was pregnant and had no place to go. That was all there was to it, though. I had thoughtlessly let him come to my bed without giving it any thought. I didn't think it was anything more than a tumble in the hay for him—as it had been for me.

He's young and handsome, and has saddled himself with a woman he is not sure he loves, so he's taken solace with me once or twice. I'm something exotic in his eyes, a woman who doesn't care if she's with a man or not. Claire is independent in her own right, yet is a product of her early-twentieth-century upbringing. She's traditional in her attitude towards marriage, though not entirely. I'm a hellion, or I think that's how she sees me. Women's liberation is a long ways off for her, while I was raised by a feminist.

How did Mac see me, I wonder? Our acquaintance was so brief that love did not have time to blossom. It bothers me that I don't know him even though we enjoyed talking until the wee hours of the morning in Mrs. Struan's parlor. He was around so often, I could almost count on him being there for dinners and our late night chats. Why hadn't he made a move? I know he was a gentleman, but an interested gentleman will usually, well, pounce, at some point. I was beginning to want him to very badly.