Despondency

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And he wanted to cry. Who he was, who he wanted to become, what he was meant to be was but a sweet, sweet lie. And now, finally seeing the skies turn dark as he killed. Seeing his own misery in front of him, a melody of distress and sadness caused by his own freewill. The promises, sacrifices, hopes, dreams and happiness was like rain falling down. It didn't exist only until he wanted to believe it was. Anakin. That name, the meaning warrior, his destiny, why was he chosen?

Anakin lost so many because of his 'destiny' and the dark lord thought, "were there ever an end to this madness?" "Was there finally a call of peace to himself?" No. His own torture is living with what he had done. What he planned to do afterwards, had he not been cut in half, had he not been left for dead by his old master, his best friend. He will suffer in this  despondency. No matter how hard he tries to break it.

His mind has been his pain, though in the months after becoming 'Lord Vader', he's learned to accept his pain and lifelong torture at a minimum. It keeps him focused on his anger, it keeps him set on his new life. The problem with Vader or rather in this case, Anakin, wasn't because he was reckless and acted out on emotion. It was because how the council handled him. It was how Anakin grown to slowly rely on himself & palpatine, not the council.

he passed his reliance on Padmé, passed his reliance on his best friend. Anakin was troubled from the start but had the Jedi been more careful with how they dealt with him, perhaps, it wouldn't of escalated as bad as it was, maybe Anakin would still be Anakin.

Darth Vader's inner self was a shadow of his future self, Vader finally came to realize this and... and, he reluctantly accepted it.

——-———————————————————

The search for the doors became more of a task then anything else. He needed to find the way to his wife and speak to her.

Vader got out of the room he was in and to his unfortunate surprise, saw nothing. Though somehow, it called to him, like it was the force itself, he was opposed yet curious to go forward.

It wasn't misty but it was plain darkness, Vader gripped the lightsaber from his belt and ignited it, unleashing a red blade that shined through the darkness. He walked through the room slowly, looking around, hoping to find out what this place  was.

After awhile he began to think, as it was the only thing left for him to be close to.

"Why can't there be a way to break free of this regret?" he thought,

"Why can't i just destroy this instability. Leave this body if anything, just be gone-no care for what happens to me. Just be gone."

Then he thought, and saying over and over again the same thing, he sorrows more and more and it's weakening him. "I'm not going to accept this torture. Not the way it is. If only i had acted apart from my conflict."

Vader then heard a sinister laugh coming from behind, he stopped thinking and immediately drew his saber in front of him to block whomever was behind, he was shocked to see it was his master.

"Master?" Vader said rather surprised, he then cackled deadly bolts of lightning from his fingers towards him, Vader managed to hardly deflect the strikes, he managed to zap him back through his saber, he raised his saber and sliced him down, but instead of a body being split in half he saw him disappear.

Vader then realized that this place is basing itself upon him. Or at least he believed it was.

He now began to become cautious of anything or anyone, he raised his lightsaber to an angle that is titled and is slightly upward, preparing. Then another voice was heard and it was one all too memorable.

"Anakin, why did you kill me?"

And thus, he will suffer from his thoughts and who he blamed. "Padmé?" Vader said, "Why did you kill our child?"

Vader walked towards her voice and saw her in her white uniform the last time he remembered seeing her, just staring at him with her neck bruised severely. He turned off his lightsaber. He didn't want to look at what he had done to her, but he also had to. even though he didn't want to. He needed to get through this and push himself to realize it isn't real. It's only his thoughts brought to life.

"If the choice were ever re-presented to you again would you have let Palpatine die?"

Vader looked slowly down, "Yes."

"If i hadn't acted out of my emotions you may still be with me. In a simple house by the waterfalls. If i had let him die, everything would be alright. We'd of had our son or daughter and let him or her grow up to be whoever he or she wanted to be... but knowing that can never be changed, that the choice i made will always stay no matter how much i wish it otherwise, hurts me."

She looked at him with a faded smile, "would you have gone with me after doing what you did? Had Obi-Wan not confronted you?"

Vader then paused, "...I don't know."

"I was so caught up in saving you that i didn't realize what i did was unforgivable. I don't think i ever wanted who i became to come with you. I didn't want to you die because of me."

Padmé looked away, "but that didn't stop it from happening didn't it, Anakin?"

Vader looked away to. "I loved you for who you were and look at you now. You destroyed everything... just to try and prevent a death that would've never of happened had you not been worried about it."

"I know..."

"then why, why did you do it. I told you i'd be alright and yet, you betrayed everyone, killed our only child that wasn't even born yet."

"I was arrogant, immature, pathetic and gullible. Ever since my mother's death i've been more protective then i should have been."

"That's the truth." Vader told her.

Padmé touched his helmet and looked deep into the lens, "take it off."

"you're not real."

"let's see if that's really true." Padmé said,

He sighed and slowly began to take it off, after almost a minute, he got it off.

She smiled. Then he shockingly felt her cold hands touch his face, "how..."

"I'm always gonna be here ani. No matter what. In life or in death, you only believe i'm truly here, i am not alive. Look, Ani, don't act on sadness and regret. I'll always be with you till the end."

Padmé then kissed him on the lips, before she began to disappear. "P-Padmé."

Vader saw her grinning before she went away, he fell on his knees. "Padmé..." he could barely yell it was a whisper if anything, he wasn't comprehending his reality or his mind. It felt as if it were both intertwined. It conflicted him.

He put his hand on his helmet that he dropped and looked forward.

"Let the helmet go." a voice down the area spoke.

He looked where the voice originated from and began to stand up. "Look at what you've done to everyone around you. You need to be stopped, it needs to end."

He walked towards it until a blue beam of light came to his view, "who are you?" Vader asked, without a helmet to change the tone of his voice. The beam came closer until the voice that spoke came to his view. "You know who i am. You just don't want to acknowledge it."

Vader turned on his lightsaber as he saw it was...

                         Anakin Skywalker

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