Eres mi sol, Hansol

[empty thoughts]

(A/n: ok buckle up ladies and gents, nonbinary folks, it's gonna be a wild and bumpy?? Mayhaps uncomfortable ride. I've NEVER WRITTEN anything ever and I'm tryna make this fr sound ... good.. also there will be smut somewhere if I don't give up so yay!)
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Hansol
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        Dance practice starts at 6:00 am every single day and stops whenever the choreographer in our group seems satisfied. It always switches and we take turns equally but some members are far more strict than others. For example, Eujin and Feeldog, lovingly referred to the feeljin devils are an actual pain in the neck when it comes to getting us in sync and looking good.

         They are amazing teachers but once they set their mind to it it's clearly impossible to get them to stray from whatever they chose to do. Moves that are taxing on our bodies and mentally exhausting are their forte.

I'm a quick learner honestly so I never worry too much but today things seemed to be a  little off with my coordination. I move my body with the right amount of force but my landings and steps are off beat or late.. it's truly FRUSTRATING.

"Hey Hansol, get back in step!" a tiny feeldog yelled from the front of the room, crouched and staring intently at all of us dancing.

He seemed to be paying extra attention to me which seemed odd.. I was never troublesome with dancing it's one of my strong suits..

"HANSOL! We can take a break if you really need one." Feeldog yelled, cupping his hands over the music.

"No, it's ok." I yelled back.

Why isn't anything going right today.. I'm sure I'm physically hurt. Something feels off.. wrong... weird. My vision starts to get prickled with white and foggy ness. Our dance studio gets darker and darker.

I feel the weight of my limbs get heavier and heavier... what's happening?

1...2..3 step, 2 step, step, kick...
....
I collapsed.

"Ji Hansol! Open your eyes!"
...
What's going on?
..
Darkness.
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Jun
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UNB knew they had to be on high alert since the feeljin duo were back at it again. I watched Hansol from the corner of my eye crouched down in a corner of the practice room, seemingly unnoticed by all of the members besides me. We took a quick break but something seemed unsettlingly quiet with Hansol.. too quiet. This wasn't the usual shy boy, it was a concern for me because lately he seems more closed off.

I keep my eyes on him while chatting up Kijung and he takes notice on where my eyes led to and he immediately sprinted towards Hansol.

Why didn't I do that?

I got up from my spot on the ground and walked past the other members who were sprawled out and breathing heavily or drinking water.

"Hansolie hyung, are you seriously okay?" Kijung whispered audible enough for me to be apart of the conversation.

Hansol groaned and took a deep breath.

"I'm ok. It's ok. Nothings wrong just tired." He said.

It's a little weird when you're just tired and talk more than usual to tell us that... something really is going on with him. I scooted closer to Kijung who had his arm wrapped around Hansol's back and was consoling him.

I heard Hansol's breath hitch as I placed my hand on his waist, a move I did all the time it seemed so natural. Why was he acting this way towards me? What did I do?

"Kijungie.. can you leave us alone for a quick minute? Need to have an adult conversation, sorry kid" I jokingly said which made Kijung do a cute little fake mad pout at us. He wormed his way and rolled over to Marco and the rest of the crew who were far enough away to have a decently private conversation.

"What's wrong, something is wrong. Please tell me" I tried my best to whisper in the softest tone I could manage . Hansol's head was facing away but i still held onto his waist and instead leaned my head against the crook of his neck.

"I can't remember things. Randomly. Things are randomly getting distorted and I think it's all the painkillers I'm on. I'm so scared Jun." Hansol whispered barely enough for me to hear, his words shaking and staying in the air.

I took hold of his hand while never letting go of the awkward side hug I did at his waist. I took his hand slowly and just held it for comfort and reassurance.

"Just tell them you're in pain."

"You don't get it, were all in pain. We all practice for 2/3 of the day and barely take care of ourselves. I just suck. I suck at everything I do. I hate myself..." Hansol's voice started getting raspier and visibly sad. I looked back at the other members behind us and they all stemmed genuinely concerned. The pain in my heart physically hurt and felt like I couldn't breathe well.

Ji Hansol doesn't just collapse in the middle of a practice session. It wasn't the most complex moves in the world but he hasn't been getting sleep lately.

He, at Ass crack o'clock, goes onto my side of the room in the morning and doesn't even sleep. He just lays next to me until I wake up. Does he think I don't notice? What's troubling him? Is it me? Is something wrong? Did I do something?

I rub Hansol's arm and think.

I get up and strut on over to the other UNB members who were waiting for me to be finished.

"Look. He's in terrible condition and if he continues he'll only get worse and worse." I said, to no one in particular.

"It doesn't seem fair that we're all wasting valuable time here. He's the main focus of this choreo, let's just call it off and replace him with Eujin if he honestly can't do it anymore." Feeldog said firmly, causing Hansol to shift uncomfortablly in his seat on the floor.

"No the fans will be suspicious since this choreo has been used since the unit, we need to just take a day off. It's already 5 pm. We can work extra hard tomorrow" Eujin came out from behind feeldog and said, rubbing his hands together and then stretching his whole body.

We all came to an agreement and one by one the practice studio became less occupied. Hansol never moved or said anything to anyone other than me. He spoke to Kijung maybe twice.

I walked over to him and tried to get him to talk some more but instead opted for helping him up and walking him to our dorm room.

I'm such a good roommate.