Eres mi sol, Hansol

Confession #1

Hansol
-
I leaned on Jun's chest for support and slowly started drifting deeper and deeper into sleep. I could feel myself sink into his body which most likely caused the uncomfortable and awkward movements that happened soon after. I'm so tired but right here seems so comfortable. I know we're not even at home but... just for a few minutes...

Jun
-
I saw Hansol getting sleepy and panicked once he started getting slumped and started to stumble. He took a nap while I waited for the elevator door to open up and I trusted that he only rest his eyes for a bit but to my dismay his body got limp and heavy so I had to carry him to our front door.

It's hard trying to get the keys and also balancing your roommate in between yourself and a wall so he doesn't fall down.

I finally got it after a few minutes of struggling with the door knob, and grudged the walk upstairs. I took a deep breath and slung Hansol over my shoulder without making too much noise in the dorm, we lived with Feeljin and they hated noise even at 8 pm in the afternoon.

I climbed the flight of stairs, 28 steps to be exact and let me say I'm winded. I gently laid Hansol on my bed and he just sprawled out with his mouth open and started snoring.

"Jun.. Junie. Jun..." Hansol half whispered half yelled into my ear.

I turned over so now I was facing him and he was now curled up in a ball clinging onto the pillow closest to my head.

Is he having a nightmare? Is this roommate abuse if I just let him talk to himself to find out what he's dreaming about? A lot of self conflicting thoughts seem to rush at me while Hansol gently opens his eyes while he looks at my face.

Hansol
-
This dream seems so realistic. I can't believe how brilliant my mind is to makeup up a clone of Jun and his room to every little detail.

I take in my view as I stare into Jun's eyes and slowly drift off to look at his lips. I scoot closer to dream Jun and lean in for a kiss, without breaking eye contact which was kind of weird. I have dream Jun a gentle kiss and moved away. Then gave him another 10 and then started kissing random spots on his forehead, chin, cheeks, nose, until I was satisfied.

Ahh I wish all dreams could be this sweet.

I close my eyes for awhile and re open them to see Jun still staring back at me, weird.

"Hansol."

I open my eyes again and see I'm in the same exact position and spot from my dream where I placed little kisses all over Jun's adorable face. My eyes slowly opened wide as I quickly backed away from Jun and fell off the bed in the process.

Jun
-
Did Ji Hansol just give me baby kisses all over my face?

I let that register as I saw him realizing that maybe what he did was in fact, NOT a dream as I saw his beautiful and bright, big doe eyes in full view. Then him freaking out and falling off my bed, ugh this clumsy boy.

I get up from my side of the bed and bridal style carry him and gently place him back onto my bed while he looked at every thing but me. His eyes were darting so fast across my room it was making me want to laugh.

"Hansol, what's wrong?" I said.

".. Did.. did I sleep?" He whispered.

"Yeah. You kept saying my name though but we both slept for awhile." I lied, rolling over to my side of the bed and getting back under the covers.

I could see his facial features settle into a sense of relief, his face softening and almost yelling "so it WAS a dream". Which makes me even more curious as to why he had a dream like this, if it wasn't the first?

Hansol
-
The amount of pride I felt within me when Jun told me we both slept was insane. I didn't actually kiss my younger bro like that. Thank you universe for sparing me.

I looked over at Jun who was smiling at me and then looked over to my phone. 1:34 Am.

"Jun. can I ask you a hypothetical question for my friend?" I asked, while turning my back to him.

"Mm sure" he replied

"Ok remember, this is hypothetical. I'm asking for my friend if he were to be faced in this situation..."

"Go on"

"So let's say... I may— my friend I mean. My friend named AiMai has confusing feelings for her friend who just so happens to be in a Kpop group with. Let's just say that AiMai wants to tell her friend so badly it's eating up at her and preventing her from sleeping or even looking st that person in the same way anymore, let's say there's dreams that scare AiMai every single night that makes her stay up-"

Jun
-
Hansol was rambling at this point which is when something is really bothering him. I know this "friend" was really him. So he fell in love with me? Same.

"Hansol I think your friend should just tell her friend everything from square 1. If those dreams and feelings bother her to the point of making her insomniac it's a real problem" I cuddled up and wrapped my arms around Hansol's waist and let my head rest on his back. I am the big spoon confirmed (A/N: this whole thing is a shit show and I don't know POVS or how to write please bare with me :/)

He stayed quiet for awhile and then I felt him take a deep breath.

"Jun.. I love you.. no I'm in love with you." He said clear.

"I know hyung."

Then Hansol grabbed my hands at his waist and held onto them tightly.

"No, Jun. I'm in love with you. I'm completely head over heels, infatuated."

"Yes, I know." I replied.

His hands started shaking and his grip got tighter in my hands and he tried to pry them off. My grip never loosened as I let my right hand roam and touch his tummy beneath his shirt.

"Hansol. If this has been bothering you for so long that it got in the way of practice, I don't think you should keep loving me. It's not worth it, I'm honestly not worth it."

Hansol stopped breathing for a quick 20 seconds and let out his breath.

"No. I've loved you before the Unit, that's besides the point. You're not toxic to me, I'm toxic to you. Did you know I sneaked into your room ever-"

"Yeah"

"Did you know I've been having bad and re occurring nightmares where UNB starts to hate each other because I decided to fall in love with you?"

I stayed silent and let Hansol leave my room. I heard him stumble over some clothes and my heart ached as I heard his little "ow" on his way.

Love is toxic.