XVI

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I don't know why I love (loved?) you so much.

let me make a list:

• waking up next to you, your eyes still closed as your soft snores filled my bedroom. you used to curl your body into a small ball whenever you were chilly and you hated it when I tugged away the covers. you'd pull me closer, throwing one leg over me and mumbling my name.

• your glistening smile that took up your face whenever we would go out for a hasty car ride.

• you coming to meet me at work- nodding at me as you pretended to not know me. walking around the several aisles, asking me what every single item is worth.

• the whimsical side to you. where you'd act out scenes from movies, pretending to be incredibly romantic by wrapping an arm around my back and leaning me down. we'd end up laughing for ages.

• you listening to my thoughts. you told me you could always tell if I was in a miffed state from the furrow of my brows and my quivering lip. you were always right. you took my hand and just listened- giving me a restoring presence and sometimes, you took my hand and distracted me from my idiotic thoughts.

I could go on forever. whoever has the blessing of you walking into their life next, must have done something good in their life.

a list of reasons why I felt and still do feel devotion for a man who never will feel the same.

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