Crystal Stain

7 - I put you through hell

...37, 38, 39...

Sometimes, while I was underwater, I could almost hear a faint music in the background. As if my mind had its own melody.

I felt numb, free from every danger. I was hidden from the world by a clear element. I couldn't speak but my mind was flooded with thoughts. I couldn't breathe but I never felt more alive. It was raining outside, which made everything even more relaxing.

It almost felt as if I was in another dimension, another universe.

I stopped myself from engaging with this idea. In the past, I had gotten too attached to the concept of an alternate universe and the afterlife. It didn't happen after my parent's death but a few years later. This idea of ending it all and being able to start a new life from scratch had nurtured in my mind to the point that it became a constant thought in my every day.

It's not that I wanted to disappear, I just wanted to start over. Then, without me even realizing, I started to resent the life I led, everything I used to like had lost its value and now it made me feel nothing at all.

It was Harry the one who noticed my change in character. He asked me once straight forward if there was something going on, and the truth is, even I didn't know there was something wrong with me, so I joked about it and waved it off.

But this didn't pleased him.

So he got us both a summer job at a pizza restaurant, I complained during the first week, I felt like I was throwing my vacations away in washing dishes, cleaning tables and tolerating the customers, but it kept me busy from my thoughts, and after a while it wasn't a job anymore, but a time to hang out with my best friend.

It got even better when they assigned us the chore to entertain at the kid's parties. It was embarrassing alright, but it was worth it to see the always composed Harry in a crappy costume singing and dancing around to kid's songs. I've never laughed so hard, I was lucky my face was hidden under a fury head.

One minute, thirty seconds.

I got out of water, adjusting my eyes to the light, for until these moment I had kept them shut. I took a deep breath, the air always felt more pure after a while of holding it in.

I dressed into a lose shirt and sweat pants and headed out to my room.

I didn't notice I wasn't alone until I heard the knock on the window. It was Harry. It wasn't the first time he had come through it but with the rain pouring outside I didn't think I would see him there.

I hurried to open the window and so came in a drenched Harry. At first, because the lights were off I didn't notice his state, however, when I turned on my night stand lamp I noticed the red stains that covered his white shirt.

"Harry! What happened? Are you hurt?" I hurried closer trying to find the wound. Harry used to get into fights, but they never were that brutal.

"I just need to sit down" he said lowering himself to the floor. He was trembling and his face was exceptionally pale.

"Jesus! Harry, what happened?" I tried to become the bigger person in the situation, but my concern was giving it away, I wondered how bad the injuries could be to put him in that state.

I couldn't see his face, he was resting his head on his knees.

"It's not my blood" he said. Since the sound was muffled I wondered if I had heard him right. He said the blood wasn't his? Then who's was it?

"What happened?"

"I made a mistake." He said lifting his head. He looked disoriented, his voice packed with disbelief.

I swallowed, I felt my heart sink thinking the worst case scenario. "What did you do?"

His eyes wouldn't meet mine, is almost as if he was trying to fetch the story from the back of his mind, or maybe he was trying to forget it. Every second he remained silent I became even more worried, I've never seen Harry struggling so much.

I wanted to help him but he looked as if he was fighting an inner battle with himself. It wasn't until he looked into my eyes that I realized what was really happening, he was debating whether to tell me something or not.

I placed a hand over his shoulder. "Tell me." And that seemed to finally convince him.

"I need your help." He swallowed, the next words he pronounced were said slowly, as the final phrase a character says on the season finale of a thriller show:

"I killed someone."