You're Still Way Over There: A Brallie Fanfic

Ch 9: Pretty Damn Amazing

Callie

The adoption is scheduled, like officially on the calendar scheduled. This day that I've been waiting months for, years for. I should be excited. I am excited. But I kind of want these next few days to slow down. I want to savor this time where I am totally a member of the family but not his sister. This time where there's still a possibility.

Except there's not much to savor because Brandon will barely make eye contact with me. We got so close right before and right after his surgery but lately he's pulled back. He's actually pulled totally away. And I know he's doing it for me, because I've told him it's what I want. But I know he's also putting up walls to protect himself for once the adoption goes through. And that part really kills me. He's knocked down all my walls; I've caused him to build his own.

But the thing is, the more he pulls away from me, the more I'm confused about what I want. I've started having these crazy fantasies of going downstairs for breakfast and kissing him with tongue at the table with everyone there watching so that everyone will know, so that Stef and Lena will make the decision for us. I lie in bed at night and imagine all the songs he would write for me, the tiny little Christmas tree we'd have in our first apartment, the gorgeous, musical children we could make. If everything were different.

And I imagine sex with him. A lot. After Liam, I never thought I'd want to be with any man. I thought he had broken me permanently. And I know now that's not the case. Because lately all I can think about is Brandon. Under me. On top of me. Inside me.

Taking this step with anyone for the first time terrifies me. I tried with Wyatt. I never could. I'm only going to get one real first time- the first time after the rape. And I know it needs to be with him.

So, even though he's told me that our sleepovers needed to stop, I find myself once again in his room after everyone has fallen asleep. I snuggle into his arms and start kissing him awake. It takes all of seventeen seconds before I feel him returning the kisses and starting to get hard as I press against him.

He pulls back from the kiss, now wide awake, but he doesn't let go of me. "Callie, what are you?... You're getting adopted in three days. I thought we said no more sleepovers," he whispers. I whisper back directly into his ear, "Well, I'm not here to sleep." And then summoning nerve I didn't know I possessed, I let my hand graze over his erection which is now rock hard.

I see the total disbelief in his eyes as he gets it. What I'm suggesting. What I'm pretty much demanding. He's been told no,that we can't, that it will ruin everything, for so long that he doesn't trust this, doesn't think it's real.

"How can we do this? How can we do this and then pretend? How can we do this when you're getting adopted in three freaking days?" he asks with a hint of desperation in his voice. Like he's hoping I actually have the answer.

I don't have an answer to his questions but I knew he would ask them and I do have a response ready. "How can we go the rest of our lives and never be together? Really together. Is that you want? To never know what it feels like?"

As soon as I say this, something changes. The confusion, the distrust, the questions in his eyes turn to something raw and primal. He pushes me down gently but forcefully and climbs on top of me. Our eyes lock and I realize we have an understanding. We're going to have sex like it's our last night on earth. Because for us, it basically is.

He's always trying to please everyone and he's exactly the same in bed. He thinks of everything, he touches me everywhere. All those hours of piano pay off in the most unexpected and amazing ways all over my body.

He drags the foreplay out so long that I wonder if we're ever getting to the main event. Not that I'm complaining because I pretty much never want this to end and I love that he's savoring me like I'm the last two bites of dessert that he's going to have for the rest of his life.

And when he is finally inside me, I want to cry, not out of pain- there's a little of that but he's being so very gentle- but because I know that at some point, it's going to end. And I don't want that because I love being this close to him. All I've wanted since our knees brushed on the bus what feels like a lifetime ago is to be this close to him.

I'm not sure where this falls on the actual scale of amazing sex. I've heard the crazy amazing sex with insane orgasms comes later- with practice- and I have nothing to compare it to. I'm not screaming or thrashing or rocking the house. But I do like rocking back and forth with Brandon pushing deeper and deeper inside me. In fact, I like this feeling, this feeling of us, more than I've ever liked anything. He whispers at me to look at him and I open my eyes and see him staring back at me with the most amazing combination of awe and love. And for the first time in my life, I feel truly beautiful.

It's pretty damn amazing.