You're Still Way Over There: A Brallie Fanfic

Epilogue: Part II

Epilogue Part II

Callie

It's two days before my wedding to Brandon. My wedding to Brandon. It still doesn't feel real. That in two days I'll be a Foster. Because I'm marrying the boy who put lasagna on my plate that first night and smiled at me and saw an actual girl behind the busted lip and the bruised eye and a boatload of fear. I remember when he first showed me a few chords on his guitar that I just wished we would get to stay long enough for him to teach me a few more. I thought that was the most I could hope for. And now almost seven years later, that guitar is mine and he's going to become my husband on Saturday.

We're getting married at Stef and Lena's house. There was no question for me that it had to be there. The place where I found my family. Found him. Where we first kissed. Where we fell in love against about a million odds.

I know he's been working on a new song to sing at the wedding. He's trying to surprise me so I haven't let on that I know he's planning something. But he's not exactly stealth jumping up from the piano every time I come in the door and constantly folding up sheets of paper. It's pretty cute.

I can't wait to hear it. But I also feel a little bit bad. He's always the one taking my breath away with a song or with some beautiful speech. With what he said before we kissed for the first time. With Outlaws. That night in the kitchen that started us for the second time. The morning when he told the Moms not to worry about us breaking up because he wouldn't fall out of love with me ever. And I feel like I'm forever struggling to find the perfect words to say back, to tell him how much he means to me. I think he knows. I hope I show him every single day how much I love him. But still. With the wedding coming, I'm feeling the need to find the words to thank him for being him and for being mine.

I briefly entertain the idea of writing my own vows. And then I realize I can't do that. I'll get nervous, I'll forget things. And besides it's not about letting other people know, it's just about us. So I decide to try to write it all down in a letter. Five, really six plus now, years of loving him. I'll give it to Jude to give to him the morning of the wedding so that when he sees me walking toward him, he'll know exactly what I'm feeling.

Dear Brandon,

The next time you see me we'll be in the backyard again for another wedding. Only this time it's ours. The closer it gets, I keep thinking about us at the Moms' wedding. No, not the kiss. Although of course, yes, I remember that too. But mostly I'm remembering what you said to me. You said that I deserved to be happy, that I deserved to have everything I wanted.

The truth is that day I had no idea what I wanted or what would make me happy. I did know exactly what I wanted in that moment- to kiss you and kiss you and kiss you- because that was all I had thought about for weeks. But what I really wanted in my life, what could make me happy? I was way too broken and way too scared then to know.

But I'm not broken anymore. And I'm not scared. And while I'm not going to say that you fixed me, you did change everything for me from the start. You followed me to help me find Jude before you even knew either of us. I don't know if we ever would have ended up back with you guys if you hadn't decided to do that. You made me see that there actually were people in the world who gave a damn, who I could maybe trust. I was so so scared that day and you made me feel like I wasn't alone. And when we became friends- were we ever really just friends? I'm not sure- I noticed that you never once looked at me like some trashy girl who had been in juvy or like some broken foster kid who no one would ever want. You saw right through all of that when I was sure no one ever would. And once I felt safe with you, I let in Stef and Lena and everyone. You gave me our family, Brandon. Way before you asked me to be your wife.

And when I thought I needed to be adopted to be a part of this family, you let me break your heart because you wanted me to be happy. I never thought that I could find someone to love that would love me back unconditionally. But I knew then that I had and that you did. And what I realized eventually was that that kind of love is something that you have to grab and hold on to with everything you have. You always knew that. I'm sorry it took me a little longer. But even when we were apart, I still felt connected to you. There was never one second when deep down I didn't know that I was completely in love with you. And there never will be.

And what I've learned since we've been together is that unthinkably good things can happen- even to me. It's such a surprise to know that still. For a long time, I didn't like getting up in the morning and having to start another day. And I definitely didn't look forward to the future. But since you came into my life, I've found something to love about every day and I now want so many more of them. That doesn't mean I think our life together is going to be perfect. I know it won't be. I know neither of us is perfect. But you love me perfectly.

So, unlike at that other wedding where we first kissed, when we kiss at this wedding, you should know that this time I know exactly what I need to be happy and exactly what I want.

I want to be married to you. I want to wake up with you every morning and I want to crawl into bed with you every night and steal the blankets and then feel bad and give them back. I want to make love to you in the kitchen even when our toast is burning and we're both going to be late for work and in your old bed like it's our first time when we stay over at Moms' house for holidays and have to try really hard to be quiet and on the piano when you are so focused and it's ridiculously sexy and pretty much everywhere else. I want to watch TV with you and fight over the remote control and listen to you play the same 5 notes on the piano for three hours until I think I'm starting to go insane. I want to have pancakes in bed with you and take bubble baths with you and watch you sleep when you doze off writing music on the couch with your head in my lap. I want to keep making biscuits and gravy for you and I want you to keep pretending you enjoy them. I want to take care of you when you're sick even though you're really dramatic every time you have a little cold and I want you to hold me when I have a bad dream. I want you to help me when I can't reach a zipper on my dress and I want to tie your ties before all your performances. I want to make babies with you and I want you to dry my tears on their first day of kindergarten. And I want us to open our home and our hearts to some bigger kids who feel like no wants them and I want to watch you teach them piano. I want to stay up all night on Christmas Eve putting toys together with you and make fun of your nonexistent gift wrapping skills and fall asleep under the tree in your arms. I want us both to roll our eyes when your, no, our crazy family comes barreling through the door way too early on Christmas morning even though we both know we kind of love it. I want all of it, I want everything with you. The hard stuff too. If there were a thousand guns lined up outside, I would want to face them with you. (But I hope there's no guns ever. We've had enough drama to last ten lifetimes.).

I care about you. I want you. I'm always going to be dying to reach out for you.

And I love you. So much. I hope you never forget that. But if you do, even for a minute, read this letter for a reminder. Or just ask me to write you another one. You'll know where to find me- right by your side. Every day and every night.

-Callie

I had to throw in a little Outlaws in the last line! I hope you guys enjoyed Callie's letter as much as I enjoyed writing it and I hope you'll let me know what you thought. I have been so so appreciative of the reviews and have had a lot of fun writing for you. I wish all of us some good Brallie scenes in the next 2 eps. I'm feeling hopeful and God knows we deserve it after this season. xoxo