You're Still Way Over There: A Brallie Fanfic

Chapter 14: Exhale

Callie

I miss most of what Jude says after I hear him telling Lena and Stef about me and Brandon. But it's typical Jude. He doesn't use a million words. But the ones he chooses are powerful and to the point.

My first instinct is to deny it. Damage control. Tell them Jude was confused. Brandon and I ended it forever ago. Of course I want to be adopted. It's all I've wanted.

And then I steal a glance at the guy who I woke up next to this morning, who spent the entire night making me feel safe and beautiful and wanted and loved and special, all things I never thought were possible for me. I remember how we met at this same table. How I wanted to hate him because as a foster kid, I was trained to instantly have my guard up around the bio kids, the "real" kids, especially after Liam. But instead how I found myself trusting him instantly because his eyes were so kind. I see those same eyes looking back at me with so much hope. Like this is our chance.

And I realize I don't want to deny what I feel for him. Not ever again. This is our chance. The truth is I was never going to find the words to tell the Moms. He was never going to go against what he thought I wanted. But Jude opened the door for us. And even though it's going to be hard, I need to kick this door in so that there's no going back.

So I swallow hard and then I look at the floor. It's too hard to look at anyone right now. "What Jude said...is true. I...I love Brandon. And I have tried so hard, harder than you guys can imagine, not to. Because I wanted to be your daughter. And to really be a member of this family. But I just...I've realized it's not possible for me to not love him. And even though I didn't want it to mean that I couldn't get adopted, what I've been realizing lately is that I think it does. I'm sorry, I hope you don't hate me. I can pack up all my stuff today." I try and fail to choke back a sob.

And then I feel Stef's arms around me and then Lena's. Lena, who seemed way more surprised initially but is calm now, forces me to look up at her, and tells me, "Callie, you already are our daughter. You already are an important part of this family. We're disappointed about the adoption of course but it needs to be your choice. And you've obviously given a lot of thought to what you're giving up and what you're gaining."

Stef continues, "We're not happy you've been sneaking around but I also know the two of you really tried to be brother and sister. And maybe, maybe we should have seen that that just wasn't a realistic expectation. But we were so worried when you ran away last time. We love you so much that we wanted to wave a magic wand over the two of you and make you nothing more than siblings so that we could adopt you. But there are no such thing as magic wands, right love? And you know what? That' s okay." When I realize she means it, I cry even harder than before.

The next two hours are a blur. Jude, Mariana and Jesus are sent upstairs. Stef and Lena do most of the talking. Brandon barely speaks a word.

I just do a lot of agreeing. Brandon does a lot of nodding. There will be no adoption. Stef and Lena will petition the courts for guardianship. I won't be in the foster system. Brandon and I won't flaunt our relationship until we're eighteen so the State won't have any reason to question the placement.

I'll live here, with my Jude, in my room with Mariana, the sister I never knew I wanted but now need. But I'll spend more time with Robert and the Quinns, Brandon will spend some more time at Mike's. Brandon and I will live together but this way it won't be like we're living together at sixteen. We'll abide by house rules about boyfriends and girlfriends- no closed doors, no sharing beds, no making everyone uncomfortable with PDA. I'm too stunned to laugh when Stef says, "I'm sure you'll find ways to break these rules but we plan to make it pretty challenging."

The last thing they talk about is that, adoption or not, we're all a family. Forever. And that it will stay that way if Brandon and I break up so we would have to find a way to coexist in the family if that happens. I don't know what to say. I've barely wrapped my head around the fact that Brandon and I are going to actually be a couple so fast forwarding to our potential breakup is just a lot to process.

But I don't have to say anything because Brandon finds his voice.

"That's not going to be an issue, Mom. Callie and I aren't going to break up."

Stef looks at him quizzically, "I know you feel that way now. But you're very young and the future holds who knows what and I just want to make it clear that even if one day you decide you're not together, nobody leaves this family."

But he's adamant. "Callie and I have spent the past almost year miserable without each other. Okay and for a long time, we never thought we'd ever get to be together. So now that we do, we're not going to just waste it. We're going to fight, and we're going to have bad times but we're also going to fight for us. I'm not letting Callie give up being adopted just so that in two years or two months or ten years, I get bored or find someone else or fall out of love or anything. It's not going to happen. And I don't plan to let her fall out of love with me. So you can stop worrying about awkward holidays because we'll be here for all of them. Together."

His speech leaves me speechless. His speeches have this tendency to do that. But I look at him, really hold his gaze, for the first time since we were in bed together this morning which now feels like a million years ago. And I hope that my eyes tell him everything he needs to know. That I don't question his commitment to us, that he shouldn't question mine, that I can't picture a day when I won't be in love with him, that there is nothing that we can't get through.

Lena and Stef head upstairs then to go talk with Jude, go over what me not being adopted means exactly.

"So, we're really going to do this?" I ask almost shyly.

"I think I just agreed to pretty much be stuck with you. I should have probably asked first if you can make anything besides biscuits and gravy."

I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck. And I realize that it's fitting that we're here in the kitchen where I first saw him. Where I told him about my mom, the first time I had talked about her in years. Where he stroked my hair for the first time and we almost kissed. Where he told me that he cared, that he wanted me, that he was dying to reach out for me and I realized that I still felt exactly the same way.

He lifts me up ever so slightly off the ground for a kiss. I didn't think our first kiss could ever be topped. And it was amazing. But this is better. Because this time there's no part of me that wants to pull back, no part of me that's terrified someone will see, no voice in my head saying you shouldn't be doing this or this could ruin everything. The only voice in my head is saying, "I care about you, I want you, I'm dying to reach out for you" over and over. Only this time, it's followed by "I love you."

And when we stop kissing, for once I don't feel afraid or sad that it could be our last kiss. Because now I finally know that there's going to be a million more.

I lean in closer to him and against his neck, I exhale, really exhale, for the first time in months.

Author

Note: A 2 part epilogue will be up soon. Thank you so much all the wonderful reviews- I'm excited to see what you thought of this chapter. This was supposed to be nothing more than a One or Twoshot dealing with Callie's feelings after hearing Outlaws again but you guys convinced me that it was worth continuing and I've loved getting Brallie back to where we all want them.