Love To Deaf (COMPLETE)

Chapter 26

"I'm stepping on it, aren't I?"

I stood, motionless and speechless all the same. There was no reason for me to be acting like a child who couldn't speak. I'd duped myself and it hurt more than anything that I couldn't understand why I felt this way.

Marco and I never dated, nothing.

We'd had our moments, but we were best friends. That's all we ever were. Somehow, maybe deep down, I knew that I had feelings for him. But it was too late for those feelings now. I'd found someone who I was really interested in; Travis.

If anything, I was stepping on Travis and Marco's life, not the other way around.

I really, truly liked Travis. He looked at me in a way that made me smile, even if he couldn't see me. A blush that ran over my cheeks when I looked at him and his touch made me giddy, like a little school girl. And Marco? I'd never imagined us like that.

I didn't get blushy around Marco. I didn't get jitters when we brushed hands or bumped shoulders. I was comfortable with Marco.

We were inseparable back as kids and teens - it was hardly different now. Our lives had parted but we still had them intertwined.

Then it dawned on me.

I didn't get jitters with Marco, I was comfortable with him. There was a reason for that.

My nervous tendencies disappeared around Marco, like they never existed; he made me feel at ease and like nobody else mattered. Around other guys, I had to try to feel like I mattered.

I'd never admit to anyone who I loved right off the bat, but I could tell that I was just infatuated with Travis. Maybe if we had more time, id grow to love him. But that's just it. Time.

I'd spent so much of my life with Marco, I disregarded him as anything but my friend. He probably felt the same. I'd never asked, so how would I know? Marco never dogged me for liking anyone else as kids, he supported me. Did he not feel the same way? All I knew was that I was leading myself on.

Turning to Travis, I inaudibly answered. My hands were shaking.

"You're not stepping on anything." I spoke softly, feeling the words leave my mouth. There was something about it, when I said that. It felt like they slurred or something, but I'm reality, I believe they were clear as day. "I'm stepping."

Travis looked slightly confused.

I elaborated. "You're not intruding if I let you in, Travis," I couldn't believe what I was saying. Every word leaving my mouth was on a whim, an idea - no, a hint of an idea - about someone else's feelings. It felt way too fast; like I had made this decision so quickly that, I didn't want to be with Travis.

Slowly, he looked like he understood. "I think I get it."

"I don't want you to think that I'm - "

Travis shook his head and I stopped talking. He stood straight up off the counter, keeping his fingers on it. "I had a feeling you'd say that," he replaced his confused expression with a smile. "I was actually expecting you to cancel tonight. After Blaire told me about you two, I just had a feeling. Don't be mad at her for saying anything, I asked."

I wasn't mad at her. I was worried that I'd suddenly made this decision - I wasn't an inherently rash decision maker. So why now?

____

Mick and Travis left. We were on good terms. Or at least, I thought. My mind was warped on the entire situation. I'd sent the man who I was sure that I wanted to build a relationship with home, when he asked me if i had feelings for someone else.

Travis didn't know Marco, and k knew that they'd like each other if they met, but I didn't like the idea that Travis had to ask. It wasnt that he posed the question, it's that he felt the need to do so because of me. Because I was indecisive and naive, Travis had to ask me that. And what did I do? I froze. I completely and utterly froze.

I'd hugged Travis before he left, trying to make my point that I didn't blame him for anything. That I still really liked him - but not in the way that I originally thought. He was a good person and I honestly hoped we would still be friends. Cliche and unlikely, but he seemed like the type of person that would be okay with that.

We weren't involved with each other yet. I was grateful that we weren't and that I didn't have to find this out later. When I dated Jasper back in high school, I wished that we hadn't gotten involved so quickly. Maybe I would've seen it coming then, like I did now.

My chin rested in my hand as I sat on my couch, pondering all I'd done. The cushins swayed as Blaire hopped on beside me.

"So," she started. "That happened."

I chuckled. "How dumb am I, Blaire?"

"Eh," she waved her hand. That's an in between. "Dumb? No. Lovestruck, yes."

I rose an eyebrow. "Don't say that. I just ruined something that didn't even begin yet, all because of a question."

"Yep."

"I feel so dumb."

"Good."

"Blaire, you suck at this whole comfort thing." I rolled my eyes.

She smiled and pat my head like I was a kid, and crossed her arms. "I'm very good at this. You just don't accept it well."

"Thanks," I replied, annoyed.

Blaire smirked. "You royally executed the blonde prince, I'll admit," she meant Travis, "but hey, the farm boy still awaits."

"I don't want to be this person." She looked confused and so I rambled on. "The girl who changes her mind about what she wants and how she wants it. The girl who flip flops on who she wants."

"Nobody is going to think of you like that, Abira, trust me. Your reputation is too good. And your relationships are even better!" She assured me with a quick squeeze on my hand. "So if you aren't sure, why'd you send him home?"

"That's just it. I'm sure that I don't want Travis like I thought I did," and this is where it got complicated. "And then there's... The whole... Other, situation."

"Marco." She stated. Nodding to confirm her thought, Blaire sincerely looked like she was thinking of what to say. "You know, when Travis asked about you, I was honest. I knew you'd probably want to bite my head off, but I couldn't help it. I told him how close you and Marco were because he asked about your friends. He was curious."

"I'm not mad." I assured.

"I know."

"So... I really did screw up?"

Her answered hardly delayed. "That depends. Do you love Marco more?"

My hands shook. Love. That word is so strong and I just ... Wasn't sure how to throw it around. I told Blaire exactly that.

"It shouldn't be throwing it around if you mean it." She told me honestly. "You love your sister, right?'

"Of course!" Where was she going with this?

"And your brother in law?"

"Yes."

"And your nephew, what's his name?" She snapped her fingers a few times. "Caleb?'

"More than anything. Family is family."

"Okay. No hesitation there," she nodded at me knowingly. "Why hesitste with Marco?"