As my stylist fixed my hair, I analyzed my reflection in the mirror. Gray strands mixed with my natural brunette and wrinkles were becoming more noticeable, especially around my eyes. I suppose it was proof of hurdles I overcame in previous years. Opening my notebook, I scanned the lyrics I had scribbled.
When you're lost in the moment
You can't see where you going
I didn't know who I could trust
So I put all my faith in us
Throughout my life, it felt nearly impossible to keep certain things private. Growing up in the small town of Mullingar, there wasn't a whole lot to do, so people would gossip about each other's personal lives. Being in One Direction only magnified the effect. Eventually, I was tired of going through extra effort to hide my personal life from the world. I was 22 when I met her: petite, brown hair, and brown eyes - she was exactly my type. I was ready for a serious relationship and allowed myself to fall for her quickly.
Initially, I thought it was cute when she would like tweets mentioning us together; it was a sweet gesture. However, as time went on, those little moments grew into more obvious red flags that I stupidly ignored until it was too late. We were only together 3 months before I started discovering how insincere she was. For example, when cameras were around, she would cling to my side and become more affectionate, dropping the charade once we were out of view. If I tried confronting her about it, she would change the subject.
There was one night in London where I invited her to join the lads and me at a nearby club - she pouted and said something about wanting a relaxing night at home instead. However, she later showed up at the main entrance, texting me that staff weren't letting her inside the building. When Willie and I exited, the flashes shot off at once. I was fuming! I stepped over the rope barricade and rushed to the car as soon as possible - not even waiting for her to catch up.
"Why'd ya do that?" I blurted the moment we were out of view from paparazzi.
She seemed surprised by my outburst. "Do what?!"
"Don't play dumb! Did ya have to wait where paps would see ya?" The mix of alcohol and anger thickened my accent.
"Niall, I- uhh..." She stumbled with her words, "Can we discuss this when we get home?"
"No. I want an answer now. I told ya to meet us at the back entrance!"
"You're embarrassing me!" She glanced at Willie - the only other person witnessing the argument.
"Just answer the question. Did ya do it so they'd notice ya?"
There was a subtle pause before she answered. "No! Of course not!
"Always fuckin' lying!" The words spilled out in a tone harsher than anticipated, but I refused to apologize.
It was clear to me how she was in love with Niall Horan from One Direction rather than Niall from Mullingar. The experience of dating her caused me to struggle with trusting new people. Shortly after we broke up, she signed a modeling contract. She also crawled back to her boyfriend - the one she told me she didn't have when we first started dating.
Oh, you tore me to pieces
Turned my strength into weakness
I didn't want it all to fall apart
So I decided just to play the part
"I hate it!" The new CEO of the label blurted as soon as the demo ended.
