Sara's Diary

October 11th

Dear Diary,

I felt different today.

It was because I looked different.

I wore straight hair now that floated mid-back.

Like black silk tucked behind my ears.

No more relaxed clothes. No more trainers. No more comfort zone - Alicia put it.

''No one excels when they're comfortable.''

I confessed to why I wasn't around for the past week. Alicia was shocked at the revelation; I was shocked that I said anything.

A weight lifted.

So I walked the corridors with confident strides.

''What about Amanda?''

''Forget Amanda, Sara, put your wants and needs first for once.''

The sound of my heels on the porcelain was encouraging. Rallied my spirits. Strengthened my esteem.

I earned a few looks on my way. Low whispers and gasps from onlookers.

''Word on the street is they're done. He ended it apparently.''

Stupefied that I had let myself go; emotionally and physically.

Stopped caring because I thought...knew he didn't.

I even let him toy with my work. My grades. My future.

My mind felt claustrophobic when he was in it. 

There was room for nothing else; I couldn't function.

''You should let him know what he's missing out on!''

I turned up to college with those intentions. To make him jealous.

Long for the girl that he saw as his second best.

But.

The further I walked. The further it became about me.

My esteem. My confidence. Myself.

Knocked to the point where I thought I couldn't return.

To me.

Who I was. Before you.

From day one you transformed me into a babbling schoolgirl with a crush.

With that look and single dimple smile.

It was bittersweet walking into Fine Art.

Your eyes were glued to me in an instant.

Amanda rolled hers.

Oli did a double take.

But not you. You didn't have to.

You drank in my new look.

Down and up. Before I got tired of waiting and went to my seat.

Taking my time to remove the long grey cardigan. Revealing the aubergine dress that stopped above my knees.

Receiving multiple compliments from Oli.

I secretly loved it. The attention.

From Oli.

Glares from Amanda.

Stolen glances from you. All lesson.

I made it obvious.

Flinging my hair back when I laughed at Oli's jokes.

Wetting my bottom lip concentrating on what he was saying; making him blush.

Brushing my suede boot against his leg.

After the hour was up, I'd bagged myself a date with Oli.

On Saturday. Ecstatic.

You didn't even bother this time.

To sing my song.

Pull me aside.

Call me out. And I didn't care.

Sara.