Sara's Diary

December 20th

Dear Diary,

It was therapeutic.

Creating my own poetry.

The words flowed seamlessly. Ink connecting with paper.

Half a page of lexis' conveying my current feelings.

Everything that I thought was lost in the translation of the mind had somehow transformed into words and short sentences that somehow made sense.

At least to me.

It disturbed me a little how calm I felt afterwards.

How the act chilled my senses.

The painting to follow came with ease. And I was grateful to hand over the finished product to Ms Carr.

One outstanding task dealt with.

But.

His words still lingered in my mind. Floating in my conscious.

Every word sending a shiver down my spine.

Even when he was done I was covered in goose bumps.

Unsure to how I should respond. Dumbfounded.

Stunned silent at his revelation.

But.

This was what I wanted. Right?

Him to be straight with me.

To let me know what all the stolen glances meant.

What the possessive tone to his declaratives meant.

Why he stood in the doorway and walked away.

Why he kissed me?

But.

I got it. My explanation.

And I didn't know what to say.

Realising I put too much weight into needing to know how he felt.

Needing something.

Anything from him.

It was weird.

Like there was a shift. Between us.

I was no longer the vulnerable one.

Left in the unknown. Waiting for the other to act.

Or react.

I felt uncomfortable with this power in my hands.

I immediately wanted to ditch it.

And all the downfalls of the past 3 months. To start a fresh.

With me.

And James.

Sara.