The Club

PART ONE- LIVING -CHAPTER 1

15th Birthday

April 20, 2004

I'M NOT SURPRISED IN THE slightest. Sure I went to bed last night hoping, and even dreamed about it, but just because I want something to happen doesn't mean it will. Jack Dawson will not end up alive in the end. Yes, I'm still bitter about that seven years later, and my nonexistent ass and boobs won't suddenly appear. With the way my prepubescent body is growing or lack thereof, a miracle is precisely what I need. I'm another year older, but I feel exactly the same. Age is just a number. Nothing about my life has changed. And I don't see that being different any time soon. I still have the same best friend I've always had, I'm still lacking a boyfriend, and like I've already extensively examined in my floor length mirror I look exactly the same from head to toe.

Maybe I should ask Bianca Harwood what she did over the summer.

She had the same underdeveloped body the rest of us had in eighth grade. But she went away with her family for the summer, and the first day of high school all the guys were drooling at her feet over her rocking body. What I wouldn't give to trade places with her for one day. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she took some mystery pill that suddenly gave her an ass and boobs.

But here I stand on the last day of May, freshman year almost over, and nothing about my outward appearance has changed in the slightest—from my flat and lifeless dark brown hair, to my boring brown eyes, and my pale skin tone. Where's the golden color that other Asian girls are blessed with? It all screams "blah" to me. Maybe Mom will let me dye my hair? Add a little color to my drab existence? Even the dreary spring weather of the Pacific Northwest is making me depressed. My white cotton bra and panties with soft pink roses all over them are not helping in the least. The bra which, by the way, is holding up nothing. What's the point of having one when you don't need any support? With a sigh, I turn from the mirror and the inspection of my boyish figure to get dressed for the day.

My new vintage Nirvana tee, my burgundy red cord mini skirt, and my black and white pinstripe Converse cheer up my melancholy disposition slightly. I am intent on making today a better day than the ones prior. The fedora sitting on my desk catches my eye but I quickly change my mind. I already don't fit in as it is, no reason to bring more attention to myself.

My messenger bag flops against my side as I head downstairs to grab a quick bite before catching the bus. Next year's birthday will be better. I will finally be old enough to get my license and maybe I can convince Mom and Dad of letting me get a job to purchase a car. The bus is getting really old and fast. I take the stairs two at a time making sure to avoid tripping over the various shoes and toys my little brother, Jeffrey, has left out scattered. He's such a little tornado when it comes to keeping the house clean. My fingers grip the railing as I start to trip over a stuffed animal. That would have made for a great birthday—breaking my neck tripping on Elmo on the way down the stairs.

Is this day over yet?

A quick glance at the clock on the stove changes my original plans. With a breakfast bar from the cupboard and a water bottle from the fridge, I'm flying out the door, and down the street to the bus stop. The early summer weather is already starting in and I'm grateful I decided on a skirt. It's for sure going to be sweltering in just a few short hours. Bringing us that much closer to school getting out and spending my days poolside. Although, spring in the Pacific Northwest can be insanely unpredictable. It can be sunny one minute and pouring buckets the next.

My best friend Kyle Campbell is already waiting at the stop for me with a big smile on her face. When her mom was pregnant, her parents were insistent she was a boy. The ultrasound tech confirmed their suspicions so they never even discussed girls' names. What a surprise they were in store for on that cold winter day when a little girl arrived instead of the boy they knew was coming. They'd already been referring to her as Kyle the entire pregnancy so they didn't change her name. But it fits her all the same.