The Club

CHAPTER 21

I breathe in the salty beach air and wish I had more time. The Pacific waves crash against the shore over and over again reminding me how little I've actually seen in life. I've been working non-stop these past six years and I never once considered doing something for myself. Sure I've seen the ocean and I've done photo shoots and filmed music videos at the beach but it was always work. It makes me wonder what was the point of all it if I never truly lived.

Like right now. I'm standing on the long and I mean long boardwalk in Venice Beach and these people are living. We've passed by artists selling their paintings, vendors have food carts, and there are so many others riding their bikes or roller blading. I didn't even know you could still buy roller blades let alone that people still use them.

If there's one thing I can say about everyone here compared to me it's that they seem so much more care free. Looks can be deceiving, as I know, but I don't think I have ever looked that way a day in my life. If I make it through this, that's one thing I'm going to change about the rest of my life. I can't keep going on the way I have been and that's something I've learned from this trip alone.

I pull my baseball cap down tighter and make sure my sunglasses are on before I step foot onto the beach. It's crowded but no one is paying attention to us so hopefully we're safe from any watching eyes. This morning when we landed in LAX it was quite a different story. I don't know if there are paparazzi permanently camped out there but somehow they knew I was flying in. Fortunately, I called ahead and made sure a car was waiting for us but the place was still a zoo. My anxiety level was through the roof and I know Graham's was much higher since he isn't used to that craziness.

Thinking about this morning makes me tense all over again and I force those thoughts from my mind. That's not why I'm here right now. I'm just Erika Takai. A lost woman trying to find her way back to herself. I lose myself in the beauty of the ocean and I don't notice Graham until he steps in front of me blocking my view.

"What are we doing, Erika?"

"I don't know, Graham." I plop down onto the sand away from anyone so we can have this conversation a little more privately. "But I'm finally doing what I want for once. I never wanted to be a pop star. You remember me in high school, I was obsessed with Kurt Cobain and wanted to be the next Joan Jett not Britney Spears."

He doesn't hide the hurt in his eyes as he sits down cross legged in front of me. "What does that have to do with me?"

"This—" I motion from him to me. "What's going on between us, I can control that. I want this, Graham. I want you. And if I only have six months left to live then I want to know that I got at least one thing right in life."

"Don't talk like that," he whispers and then grabs my hands. He leans forward and kisses me lightly on the mouth before pulling back. "We'll find the key and you won't die. I won't let you."

"I still don't understand why you want me? I'm a fraud. My career didn't happen from being good at what I'm doing. Essentially the Devil had everything to do with my success. If I hadn't made that wish, not a single person would know who I am."

No one on this beach would know me. Sure they don't know I'm sitting here right now. But I bet if I walked up to anyone, took off my sunglasses and hat, they would instantly recognize me. Even if they're not a fan, they would still know who I am. I'm not being conceited by thinking that way, it's just how huge my career has blown up.

"I would know who you are. I've always known who you were. Even when I was fifteen years old and didn't know a damn thing about life, I was in love with you. Don't you get that, Erika? Our job doesn't make us. It's who we are inside that truly matters." He places his hand against my heart which a moment ago was beating at a steady rate but is rapidly picking up speed.