The Club

CHAPTER 14

I spent all of last month in denial. I wasted an entire month not believing or listening to all of the signs in front of me. Well Universe, I'm fucking sorry. Can I get a do-over to actually recognize how much of a fuck up I was and work toward my goal of staying alive? I get it now.

I need to find the key.

But how can you find something when you don't even know where to start looking for it? Or even what the key hole looks like? Is it an antique key? A modern key? A metaphorical key? Why couldn't he give me more details? Who was he so scared of that we couldn't finish that conversation. I'm left with more questions than answers and the whole situation is unsettling.

I've been pacing my loft in New York. When I moved here five years ago, I downsized and got rid of almost everything I owned. Everything that reminded me of home. I didn't want constant reminders of the life I was leaving behind. Or the girl I was back then. It was a fresh start and a rebirth of sorts.

New career.

New life.

New me.

Besides my parents, the only person I've stayed in contact with is Kyle. We moved here together and it was a new beginning for her too. She could focus on her career and not have the biased hindrance she put up with back home. Plus, the added benefit of having me as her best friend helped things take off for her. She never asked me to but I became her number one celebrity endorser. She didn't need me but a little extra business thrown her way because of me helped her really get things off the ground. Now she's running her multi-million-dollar business with a store front and online presence. I couldn't be more proud of her and everything she's accomplished.

But I can't think of any of that right now. In less than a year I'll be dead if I can't find the key. This damn key. If only time travel were real. I would go back in time and never make that damn wish. I would tell myself to straighten the fuck up and that there are worse things in life. Like dying. Fuck! How could I have been so stupid?

I stop my pacing to gaze around my polished minimalist apartment. I could tear the whole place a part but something tells me the key I'm looking for isn't here. Ugh! I need a drink.

I grab my phone, keys, and wallet, and slide into my buttery leather jacket before slamming my apartment door behind me. Ms. Thomas gives me the stink eye as she walks toward me away from the elevator. She's had it out for me ever since I moved in. Scratch that, before I moved in. She complained that a rock star such as myself would cause a ruckus in the building and that I shouldn't be welcome. To her annoyance, I've been a perfect tenant and I'm rarely here. And the rock star part, she is so far from the truth. I flash her a megawatt smile as she scowls at me and hurries toward her own door. One of these days she'll rip that stick out of her ass. She refuses to look my direction as she unlocks the door and pushes the door closed behind her. Then again maybe she won't.

With Ms. Thomas gone from the hallway, my mission comes back to me. Drinks. Definitely plural and heavy on the liquor. I press the button to call for the elevator and wait. The downside of living in a high rise in New York is the length of time it takes for the elevator to get to my floor. But the amazing view and relative peace and quiet makes it all worth it. Not that I spend much time in my apartment as it is. Between concerts, award shows, and every kind of publicity event my agent books—I'm pretty much all over the place all the time.

The elevator finally dings up and when the doors open, I breathe a sigh of relief to find an empty car. I don't mind other people within the building knowing that I live here but sometimes I get fangirl moments. It makes me miss the anonymity of my old life. When I'm at work functions, I know that I have to meet with fans to autograph stuff and take selfies but when it crosses into my everyday life it can get overwhelming at times. I'd like a break every once in a while. I'm not in the least bit unappreciative but I also like my downtime when I can relax and not have to worry about anything I say being taken out of context.

Fame comes with a price that I didn't expect nor fathom when it happened. My life is always in the spotlight and public eye. And sometimes I wish that it wasn't. Not that I'm ungrateful for what I have. I've definitely come a long way from the poor girl in the overly rich town. I'm lost in my thoughts as the elevator quickly descend to the bottom floor that I don't even notice when the doors open. The lobby is pleasantly empty, but I wouldn't expect it to be too busy at three o'clock on a Wednesday afternoon. Most of the people who live in this building are working.

The doorman opens the door to the bustling street and I give him a small smile before continuing on my journey down the street. Normally I would grab a car, but I think today the long walk will do me some good to clear my head. I don't need any distractions right now. I need to get lost in my own head and process everything. Yep. A distraction free walk is just what I need right now.