painkillers. - H.S ✔

fine

Trent's sky blue eyes stared into mine. He released my neck and I fell to the ground, coughing and gasping for air. He'd only ever almost strangled me once before. It was the last time before Ali and her husband moved out. Trent wouldn't have attacked me like this if he wasn't really angry. He'd lost control, forgotten about the risks of Harry hearing.

Trent unclenched his jaw and gave me one last glare before opening the door.

"Everything okay? I heard yelling,"

"Where's Mara?" He wondered, I could basically see him trying to look around the entryway of the apartment for me. I was cowering behind the door.

Behind the door. Please.

"Mara is okay."

No, I'm not.

But I loved Trent too much to say anything. I knew Trent loved me. He was jealous. Boyfriends were jealous. Trent loved me more than the world, more than the galaxy. I covered my mouth with my hand, the tears fell onto it.
Hot, salty, sticky tears.

"I heard yelling. And a bang on the wall. I'd like to see if Mara's okay." Anger was sprinkled into his raspy voice. No one had ever cared this much. But he'd leave soon enough. He was too good for me, for my lies.

"She's fine." Trent spat in response.

"Mara. You're okay." I took this as a cue to stand up and show myself. I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. I was fine.

I was fine.

"I'm fine." My mascara stained cheeks, my scratched voice, my puffy eyes and bruising neck weren't very convincing, I was sure.

"Are you sure? I can-"

"I'm fine." I couldn't look this man straight in this eyes and tell him that I was okay. Just like I couldn't to Amara. I would never be able to.

"Okay."

"You always push everyone away Mari. We love you. And we care. You just don't care enough to listen".

Every day those words would ring through my brain, my ears. I heard them wherever I went. Whenever I wasn't thinking of them, I was thinking of them.

And the door shut.

-
Cleopatra, Cleopatra, The Lumineers
I remember at my Senior prom, three boys had asked me: Jake Cavanaugh, Ross Summers, and Trent. I'd chosen Trent of course. I always wondered what would have happened if I'd gone with Jake—or Ross. Would I be living a happy life? Would I have gone to college or even university? Would I have a dog and a house in Charlotte? Would I have friends?

But I'd chosen Trent. And I'd have to live with that decision. Forever.

Today wasn't going to be any different than any other day. I was going to wake up, swallow a couple painkillers with my black coffee, get dressed, and clean all day because I have nothing else to do.

When the weight from the other end of the bed disappeared and a happy Trent kissed me on the forehead, I pulled myself out of bed like every other Monday, and made the bed.

I brushed through my tangled deep brown locks and curled my eyelashes. Not even bothering with mascara; it'd be gone by the time I went to bed.

The guitar opening to a song I'd never heard before shook the walls of the tiny one bedroom apartment. It blared through the room and brought on a splitting pain in my head.

In the past twenty-four hours, I'd had at least three painkillers. One more wouldn't hurt, but just to be safe it was best for me to just go next door and ask for the music to be turned down.

Trent wouldn't be happy if he found out. Somehow he always would. Whether it was him threatening me or the person I'd socialized with or plain asking them causing no suspicion, he'd always find out.

I was scared to even leave the apartment after the events from last night. I wasn't even sure that Harry was even the slightest bit convinced that I was okay.

Maybe talking to him would lower his suspicion. Trent would understand.

-

American hotline for domestic abuse:1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Website link for more information and numbers:
http://www.thehotline.org

Watch these:
https://youtu.be/WL3rfk2iFww
https://youtu.be/hhHdIhfK7LQ
https://youtu.be/5Z_zWIVRIWk