painkillers. - H.S ✔

always at fault

Two months later
Marielle's POV

Amara had called today. The first time we'd talked since the wedding, it was July and she hadn't answered any of my calls or called me. I knew she was angry, I guess this was the final straw for her. She'd gone off on me about leaving and I'd apologized, telling her why I had done it. She just sighed. I sounded like I was still in high school. Amara was married already and I was still trying to handle my love life.

She'd informed me that my mother had decided to turn the other cheek and invite me to her Fourth of July party. Every Fourth of July, ever since I was seven, my mother would throw a party like any other American would for the Fourth of July. She'd invite distant family members and the more familiar ones. It was a chance to get to know each other and say goodbye to the grandparents and great Aunt's and Uncles that didn't have much time left.
I hadn't been invited in years.

But apparently this year, my mother had managed to convince my father to let Trent and I come. Amara had offered to just tell them that Harry would be coming instead, but I had assured her that the whole thing was over.

I'd agreed to go and we just stood in silence, opposite ends of the lines and then she hung up. The brunch was in a couple of days, I knew that Trent wouldn't hesitate to agree to come. He'd do anything to start another feud with my parents and try to get me to push them away again.

Trent was coming home in a little less than ten minutes, I didn't have a whole speech prepared, worse case scenario; he said no and I went alone. When he came through the door, I'd peck him on the cheek as I always did and ask him; his lips would tug up into a smirk and he'd agree to go.

The whole ordeal angered me. My parents had practically disowned me for choosing him and now they were taking it back and inviting him to a family reunion. It really sucked.

I bit my thumbnail, waiting for the lock to turn to the opposite side and the door to swing wide open. I remember a time where it had scared me to a point where I would have jumped out of the window just to escape him. But now, I didn't care as much. I'd just accepted the fact that I was his rag doll and he'd toss me around whenever he felt like it. I couldn't leave because I was pathetic, so I didn't have much of a choice but to stay and accept whatever I got.
I had truly given up.

The door swung open and Trent came inside, a frown placed on his face. I thought he'd yell or mutter something angrily under his breath and then walk away, saving the abuse for later. But he put his keys on the hook and stalked over to the kitchen for something to drink.

"Trent, my mother invited you and I to her Fourth of July reunion. Will you-will you go with me?" Only God and I knew how much it pained me to say that, how I wish I was saying it to my green-eyed and curly haired neighbor.

"Sure, Mara." As I had predicted, he smirked after muttering Harry's nickname for me. I didn't like the name anymore.

"Okay, w—" he cut me off almost immediately;

"Where's dinner?" He cracked open a beer and slammed the fridge shut.

"I haven't made it yet, I was just planning on making macaroni and cheese." He plopped himself down on the couch and turned the TV on. I felt like a housewife from the 50's or 60's.
Well, I kind of was.

"Hm. Okay. I'll just be here watching TV." I bit my bottom lip again, it had healed from the previous continuous biting on it but I had a feeling it would sting again, just like my heart always did.

I searched the cabinets for the macaroni and when I found it, I wondered what I was doing here.

-

We had eaten dinner on the couch today, I hadn't bothered laying against Trent because he'd just push me away anyways. I wanted someone who I could fall asleep against on the couch, someone who made me happy even if we were sitting on the couch watching TV.

Trent had just decided to watch his stupid soccer game and I pretended I was watching it when really I was thinking about the reunion and how things would go down.

I would cross my fingers the entire drive that Trent wouldn't pull anything. Especially with my father, or my sister—or with Josh. He'd previously gone through a period where he thought I was sneaking off to be with him. I wouldn't do that to Amara. Trent had himself convinced that I would.

When Trent finished, he gestured for me to take his bowl to the kitchen and I almost scowled at him. But I reminded myself that this was where I belonged and I had to suck it up if I wanted to survive this relationship.

I scrubbed the dishes clean and headed off to my room to get ready for the sleep I wanted so badly. I'd dream about happiness and the ups of our relationship.

My clutch still lay on the dresser, nothing was in it except for money. I had put my ring back on and I'd stored my dress away somewhere that wasn't visible. I couldn't bear to even look at it. Two months after the wedding and I hadn't even moved on from what had happened. I bet Harry had moved on already, he was probably working on a song for some other girl already. I wouldn't be surprised if he was, any girl would fall head over heels for him as soon as she heard his voice.

I pushed those thoughts away. I needed to get over it and just become one-hundred percent committed to Trent and I's relationship. It was failing, and I'm sure he knew it too. Some would say it just wasn't meant to be, but I knew that it was my fault.

I should just draw on my mirror with my unused lipstick, writing down a reminder that it was my fault always. No matter if Trent did anything. I had always done something wrong first.

That was just the way that things worked in this apartment, in this relationship.

-

American hotline for domestic abuse:1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Website link for more information and numbers:
http://www.thehotline.org

Watch these:
https://youtu.be/WL3rfk2iFww
https://youtu.be/hhHdIhfK7LQ
https://youtu.be/5Z_zWIVRIWk

-

I know that I shouldn't skip time so much. But I'm already at thirty chapters and I kinda need to speed things up a little. We've only gotten past like two 'major' parts of the story or as I like to call them, 'highlights'. Even though they aren't very happy ones.

Anyways, school starts back up on the fourth of September for me so I won't have as much time I'd like to write. I'll dedicate as much time as possible to it, including bus rides because they're about as long as it takes to write one 1000 word chapter.

Thanks for sticking around! Don't worry, it'll get more interesting!

-Brisa