Symphony | ✓

Chapter 44

"Why are you packing so much?" Kenneth asked, watching as James tossed item after item into his box. He had booked a flight the day after graduation, so he didn't have much time to pack, so he was doing it now. 'At least the necessities' like he had told Ken, but Kenneth didn't know if he should be horrified by the amount of stuff James was packing.

James looked up from his box before shrugging and deciding not to explain himself. The girls had always teased him about being a cosmetic hoarder, but he didn't want to get into that discussion with Kenneth. And maybe he found his habit a bit embarrassing as well.

Kenneth tried to play off the silence by humming. He edged closer to James before looking down at the box of items. They were both sitting at the edge of the bed. The room was spacious enough for a study table and a queen-sized bed. Most of James' shelves were empty now, and he was slowly nipping at the clothes in his closet. The whole apartment was starting to get emptied out. The sofa and dining table were gone, and James was planning to do away with the furnishing in his bedroom.

"I forgot to ask," James asked, closing the box in front of him before turning to face a startled Kenneth. "When's your flight? I know I'm leaving really early, but when do you think you'll be in France?" James asked, and Kenneth stared at him before grinning.

"Are you asking because you'll miss me?" Kenneth teased, making James sigh before he rolled his eyes. Kenneth still had some residue of his snarky self.

"No. I'm asking just because," James said, looking away from Ken before getting up from his bed. He walked to his study desk, immediately reaching out for the items on top of it. "Well, when are you going to be in France?" he asked again as he continued to clear out his table.

"Hmm," Kenneth trialed, staring at James' back He watched James' clear out the thing on his desk as he tried to figure out what to say. James turned, raising a brow at him before turning again to continue sorting out the stack of books he had made. James was still waiting for an answer, but Ken was looking for the right way to vocalize his words.

"Half a year," he blurted, making James pause as his shoulders going stiff. He turned, looking at Kenneth with wide eyes. "I won't be in France until half a year after graduation," Kenneth explained, and the stunned look on James' face didn't waver. The room went quiet. Kenneth looked down at his toes, feeling anxious. He hadn't started processing his visa until a few days ago, and the orchestra he had signed with was going to be in the country for a few months before departing to France.

"Six months..." James trailed, breaking the silence. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out, so he groaned and cursed under his breath instead. Why couldn't he find anything to say? Anything at all?

"So, you won't be in France for six months?" James said, making Kenneth nod.

"Yes, I think I've kind of confirmed that," Kenneth said. He had wanted his voice to sound snappy and dismissive, but it had come out shaky and filled with nerves. James was making him nervous, and he couldn't stand the tension in the room.

He sighed, looking down at the carpet. "I'm an idiot."

James laughed, making Kenneth turn to look at him. "Well, you admit that you are, so it's okay," James said, reaching out to rustle Ken's hair. The dark-haired man felt warmth run up his cheeks at James' gesture. He still couldn't understand most of James' behavior. Sometimes he was cold and distant and sometimes he was caring and intimate. He still had no idea where their relationship stood. He had no idea where it was heading, and that was one of the things he wanted to clarify before James left for France.

"James," Kenneth called, disrupting the atmosphere. James turned to look at him, and Ken could feel his heart rate immediately pick up. Why was it so hard to get the words out of his mouth when James was looking at him square in the eyes? It made him a nervous blubbering mess. He hated it.

"What are we...?" he started, sighing when he realized what he was about to say wasn't good enough.

"We're dating right?" he asked instead, deciding to be direct. "Like boyfriends—" he trailed, pausing. "Lovers."

"What are we?" he asked again, afraid that he would lose the sudden confidence that was pumping through his veins.

James looked a bit stunned. He just stared at Kenneth for a while before looking away without a word. He was flustered, and Kenneth could tell but he didn't stop pushing. Ken knew it was selfish, but he wanted closure.

"What are we, huh?" he kept asking, making a sigh leave James' lips as he fiddled with his fingers. The ginger looked towards Ken, biting down on his bottom lip before shrugging.

"I don't know," James muttered just high enough for Kenneth to hear him. "How about whatever you want us to be? You keep pushing, so how about you just ignore me and do what you want?" his voice was higher and firmer now. He sounded upset, and it made Kenneth sound awful.

"You've asked me something similar before. I said let's keep hanging out until we figure it out. Why are you so impatient?" James asked, making Kenneth visibly wince.

"Why are you making it seem like I'm bothering you?" Kenneth asked, feeling his heart pound against his ribs with nerves. "I just... I just want to be sure," he mumbled, looking towards James when he felt the bed's mattress raise up. James had stood up and he had an irritated look on his face. His full brows were drawn into a stiff frown, and his lips had formed a thin line.

"You said I'm making it seem like you're bothering me, but what else would you call what you're doing?" James asked, looking down at Kenneth's face. Ken didn't know how to reply to that, so he didn't. The two stared at each other in silence until James let out a sigh and looked away before shaking his head.

"Give me time," he simply said before walking past Ken. He walked across the room before opening the bedroom door and waking out. He let the door slam behind him, not bothering to stick around to close it properly. Kenneth stared at the door for a few minutes—frozen in place as he tried to process what had just happened. He didn't know what to do—how to feel.

He bent over, covering his now stinging eyes as the reality of him messing up dawned on him. He had must have pushed James away, at least a little bit with how needy and demanding he had been. It was frustrating, this wasn't how he envisioned their last two weeks together.

Why am I like this? He wondered, wishing he was less like himself. Less irritating and invasive. Why's everything so complicated?