December Boys (BxB) | ✓

Chapter 17 - Intimacy

October arrived in much the same way September had left. The winds were fiercer now, though, and meant serious business with their violent gusts and moody charges. A darkness enveloped the city just past 3 pm now, which gave the impression that night was creeping up on you sooner than it ought to. Dressing for the weather was easier, as anything colder than an old coat would leave you freezing and susceptible to pesky viruses. October had no shortage of those. In fact, October was frosty, and as school went out and the clock struck 3:15 pm, the city was bleak and preparing for the evening.

"Instinct?" Seth mouthed and stuffed a handful of grapes into his mouth. We were leaving the entry hall of the school, bodies and minds exhausted from the school day.

"Nah," I said. "Not today. Wanna come over, though? I've got shit to do for the project, but we can still hang."

Seth hummed, a hybrid sound of appreciation and agreement. We bounded down the stone steps and began our trek to the bus station. Tall buildings rose all around us, caging us in with noisy cars and pedestrians. People were rushing to and fro, some to get home, others to pick up snotty kids at the daycare, all of them impatient and in a hurry. A middle-aged woman nearly collided with me as we crossed the street and her round eyes glared holes into my face. People had been staring an awful lot at me lately.

"How long until this heals, you figure?" I muttered, gesturing towards my face. Seth looked up - he was busy avoiding cracks in the pavement - and made a face.

"It still looks pretty shit," he admitted. "But it's definitely more yellow than blue now, so I think that's progress!"

"Doesn't feel like progress. Did you see that lady's look?"

"Rude people will be rude, Nao."

"Still..."

Upon arriving home after the disastrous Fort Violet trip, my mom had stiffened in horror at my appearance. I barely had time to drop off my things before she'd rushed me to the emergency room and forced the doctors to x-ray my face. She'd cried bitter tears when the result came back: my nose was broken. It was only a hairline fracture that would heal on its own, but several months would be needed before I was back to normal. The doctor had told me with a stern voice that I must avoid contact sports for three whole months. It took nearly all my self-control not to burst into laughter right there and then.

Two weeks later, the fracture was slowly healing. My problem wasn't with the break, though. The bruises were the biggest issue, and they were painfully slow in their recession. Sleeping was a pain no matter what position I laid in, and strangers gave me nervous looks wherever I dared go. I finally understood how Axel felt, and it was beyond my comprehension that he willingly subjected himself to this. I had decided it was not for me.

Axel himself had been absent and hard to reach since the Fort Violet incident. Our agreement not to speak about it was still in place, but that didn't stop me from obsessing over it. I wanted to ask him how he knew where I was, why he helped me in the first place, and I wanted to know why he panicked in the closet. If the pain didn't keep me up at night, thoughts of Axel did. If thoughts of Axel didn't, nightmares about Lily did. October was already looking like a sleep-deprived ordeal of a month.

Seth and I settled down on the seats at the very back of the 16 line. The bus was packed with people, and they were all standing in awkward poses to avoid touching each other. The blatant fear of intimacy amused me, and I pondered on it while I sat shoulder to shoulder with Seth. Why were we so scared to be close to other people?

"I've been wondering," Seth mumbled from the seat next to me. "When are you gonna tell me what's up with Lily?"

I opened my mouth, but found no words. Thinking about Lily made me nauseous, so I wasn't sure talking about her was a good idea, especially while sitting in the back of a bus.