Nao Summers hates drama, but life becomes full of it when he's paired with the school delinquent on a film project. He's also in dire need of a way to break up with his girlfriend who wants to have lots of sex, while Nao would prefer to die. To crow...
"I mean, I've had a good time with you." The words came fast now, like an avalanche. My chest was still aching, still fighting the admission even as I voiced it. If I couldn't be honest on a moonlit night like this, would I ever be?
"Thanks," Axel said. It sounded like he might be laughing, but I couldn't be sure. The wind whisked past us, blowing leaves and dust into our faces. I produced a rough cough from my aching lungs. God, this was difficult.
"What I mean to say is— " My stomach gurgled and I couldn't help but laugh. "God, I'm messing this up."
"I think I get it."
"No, listen, I'm trying to... There's something I need to say."
I was suddenly painfully aware of the present. I could feel every inch of my bare feet against the cold surface of the roof. I could pinpoint just how many windows were still lit throughout the neighborhood. The wind was almost a friend at that moment, a distraction from where I was and what I was doing. The sound of the motorcycle engine was still echoing through the streets like a constant hum.
"You don't have to say anything," Axel said, and he was moving now. The blanket slid off his shoulder as he shuffled away from my side. My shoulder missed his warmth.
But Axel didn't get up or make any other indication that he wanted to head back inside. He didn't help me to my feet or balance his way over the chrysanthemums in the garden. No, Axel adjusted his position on the roof until he was sitting in front of me, silhouette blocking out the view of the neighborhood and the moon in the sky. His scent hit me when the wind blew against his unprotected back. A faint smell of sweat and better days.
I opened my mouth, ready to fire off questions or protests, but nothing came. All I could do was lock eyes with Axel Montgomery. Axel, a guy I'd feared and evaded just two months ago. Axel, who shook as I held him in my arms last month. Axel, who I was stupidly in love with.
"Don't move," he said, voice laced with a firm, unchained determination.
"What—"
And he moved with both finality and faith. Axel raised his arms and led them towards me, closing the distance between us in one sharp movement. His face was unreadable, but Axel's eyes were alive.
"What are you doing?" I struggled to say.
"I have no idea." He released a breathy laugh. His forehead connected with mine and his cold hands were on my neck. The blanket had slid off of me completely, probably floating into the neighbor's bushes right about now. My heart did a violent lurch behind my ribcage. Alarm bells were ringing, brain banging pots and pans together in a cacophony of panic. There was no way I could survive this. I'd be dead before dawn crept up the horizon.
"Are you going to—" Hurt me? Kiss me?
"Be quiet for once, Nao."
And the answer was both. I was allowed a short second of panic to the sound of my mental symphony. That moment was all I got to rewind every single second we'd spent together since September. All the hours in the hallway alcoves, on his impersonal leather couch, in hallways and one-way conversations. My brain spun through the moments like a highlight reel, pinpointing the exact point that my life had unraveled in front of me.
One second of doubt and fear was what Axel spared me.
Then his lips were on mine.
His cold skin was a wake-up call to my poor, short-circuiting brain. Axel's fingers were like ice taps as they traced my neck and cheeks. His breath came in short bursts against the side of my face, and it was all very new and clumsy and fifty kinds of wonderful.
I was in no way taking in what was happening. The world was reduced to his breaths and mine, time slowing to a complete and abrupt halt. Slow-motion destruction at the touch of Axel's hand.
"Oh," I managed to murmur, lips brushing against his. He pulled me closer, almost flush against his body now, hot and cold at the same time. The motorcycle engine was still going, still buzzing like one of those hypnotic songs Seth liked so much. The cold would have been unbearable if it wasn't for Axel and the way he kissed.
Because he was good at it. With one hand he held my face in place, mouth busy with my chapped lips, kissing me like we'd done this a thousand times before, like we'd been doing this since the beginning of time, and would until the end. He would take a breath and then part my lips in an open-mouthed kiss, mingling our breaths in the process, punctuating each with a quiet gasp. He peppered my cheek and jawbone with chaste attentions, all the while interlacing his fingers in my hair.
"Axel," I tried, but he reclaimed my mouth, pressing our faces together in another sweet, almost painful kiss.
I was powerless. It felt like I was at Axel's mercy, and all I could do was let him sweep me away into his universe. When he kissed me, I kissed him back, and when he pulled my hair, I gasped in response. Before I knew it, my arms were around Axel's back, holding onto his shoulder blades as if my life depended on it. It felt like it did. At some point, we'd gone horizontal, me on my back and Axel hovering over me.
His hair was in his face, and his cheeks were red. Axel's mouth was open and his breath came in quick bursts.
"I'm in love with you," I gasped.
His eyes found mine, two round orbs in a surprised face. His disheveled appearance only made it more comical. I was too bewildered to worry about my own impulsive admission. Pearly stars glittered in the wide expanse of the sky. Axel was illuminated by a mellow moon.
"You are?"
"I'm sorry." I blew my bangs away from my eyes and wiped saliva from my lips. Mine or his? Who could tell?
"Why are you apologizing?" Axel's arms were extended and held him in place over my body. Perspiration popped up on his exposed skin.
"'Cause it's stupid," I said. "I'm being stupid again."
"I'm the one who—"
"Don't say it." I was blushing, a full-faced disaster of a reaction. I could feel my ears burn and skin prickling in the cold, November night. Axel's silhouette filled my field of vision. I realized I couldn't bear to hear his thoughts on this mess. If he were to open his mouth now and address my admission, I was sure my life would sizzle out and evaporate into nothing. The finality of this — the fact that we were two boys with red-kissed lips on a Thursday night, fumbling for answers and discoveries, freaked me out.
"I gotta—" I scooted away from Axel, watching how he sank back into a crouch on the roof. His face was a question mark and his eyes were a dream.
"Nao?" he said, but I was fleeing.
Of course I was.
My feet slapped against the old beam, and then on the surface of Erik's bedroom floor. They caught in some of his old clothes and proceeded to carry me out into the hallway and down the stairs. The hallway light was on and provided me with just enough vision to dig out my shoes and winter coat. The sound of footsteps and action from upstairs triggered the urgency further.
By the time Axel, Seth or my mom had made their way to the hallway, the door had been opened, locked, and abandoned by the house's youngest resident.
And somewhere that resident was sprinting past streetlights and fences with a belly full of worries and a head filled with fear.
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