All BTS Notes: Chronological Order

Year 21-22

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Jungkook

2 May Year 21

I raced around Yangji stream in the darkening sunset. I faced the sky that was mixed with pink and purple and felt if I pushed the bike pedal, I'd escape my heavy everyday life. Today too, as soon as I heard mom preparing dinner, I pulled my bike out. I didn't want to bump into anyone, no matter who came. A place where not one person would smile at me, that place was my home. Living together doesn't make you family. Leaving the house doesn't make things different. The hyungs left one by one, and even though we're in the same city, a lot of time had passed without contacting each other. Now, inside my home and outside of it, there was no one who smiled at me.

The sun set and before the moon rose, it became dark at the riverside. While racing on the bike, the riverside scenery also raced by. The path that was turned into a park ended and a place appeared that was full of trash like a junk car, junk motorcycle, and tires. I stood my bike up against a pillar under the bridge and went down to the riverbank. On the opposite side, a group of kids were drinking alcohol and brandishing sticks around a fire, but no one was on this side.

People didn't come to a wrecked place like this. Is that the reason why no one comes to me too? In this space that no one comes to, I'm comfortable in the perfect darkness by myself. I thought about how I wished this time wouldn't end.

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Hoseok

25 February, Year 21

I danced, not being able to take my eyes off of myself in the mirror. Everything became peaceful. Moving my body along with the music everything, apart from my feelings, was quiet.

The first time I danced I was 12 years old. I think it was for a talent show or retreat I went to. I stood on stage with all of my friends. The thing I remember the most from that day was the applause and the feeling of actually feeling like myself for the first time. Of course, back then I thought it was simply thrilling to move my body with the music. It was bliss, and I found out later on that that bliss wasn't coming from the applause but from within.

I was tied to a lot of things outside of the mirror. I couldn't stand having my feet touch the ground even if it was for a few seconds. Even if I hated it I smiled. Even when I was sad I smiled. I took pills that I didn't need and fainted no matter the location. That's why when I danced I tried not to look away from my reflection in the mirror. It was a time when I could be myself, fly and drop all of the heavy burdens. It was a time when I gained hope that I could become happy.

I was at peace with the idea of looking at myself during those times.

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Seokjin

9 August, Year 21

I took photos while going along the sea. The appearance of the coastal neighborhoods changed constantly, but the sea is the same from everywhere. I got out of my car and went down to the seaside. I sat on the white sand and looked at the picture I had taken through the viewfinder. The time they were taken and the place they were taken were different, but every photo was the exact same. The sky and the sea met in the middle. 

It's been a year since I came to LA after leaving Songju as if I were running away. My mother's parent's house that I spent my childhood in was not unfamiliar or comfortable. After finding a place to be, I hid my feelings and smiled awkwardly. The method of becoming a good person that I learned from my father.