Another try to love [Kuroko no basuke fanfiction: AkaKuro]

¤Chapter 2: The letter

"Tetsuya..." I mumbled into the silence and turned to my bed table. I opened the first drawer and grabbed the white envelope in it.

'To Akashi'

How many times did I read it? How many times did I blame myself for losing him? How many times did I wonder why I had thought like that as middle school student?  How many times did I hit me for hurting him?

How many times...

did I cry because of him?

I opened the white envelope and unfolded the paper in it.

'Dear Akashi,

Long time no see, right? I thought you would say something to me after our match where I defeated you for the first time but you didn't. Now I don't care anymore. I loved you so much and thought the same of you but like we all know you didn't. I was just "a toy to pass time with". I thought of letting you play with me for long but I couldn't take it. I couldn't look into the eyes which lied to me. Also I couldn't see you crashing every opponent with your heartless play anymore. I didn't want to see it so I withdrew from the club because I knew I couldn't change anything at that time, but I swore that I would defeat you and all the other's to bring you back to the world of us normal citizens - and I did it. Now I hope you know what it means to have a team, a team where you trust each other and play together - not alone. Even though we seperated a long time ago I couldn't forget you for long and thought about you till I understood that you forgot me from the beginning on. Then I moved on, trained hard and pushed you from your unwavering throne.

With this letter I just wanted to say thank you for all the happy moments in our past where we used to laugh with each other and for awakening me that you are alone on this world with your feelings for someone because the other will only take them and break them apart easily.

Maybe we can speak with each other again when we grew older and wiser.

Your oh so beloved Tetsuya'

And again I started crying. Crying because of you. Crying because of your words.

When you could see me now you would think: 'Serves you right' and laugh for sure. Well, I would do it when I was you. But as I know you, you won't.

I hurted you badly. I gambled your trust and your feelings for me away. I gave you up without ever seeing the real you. Only I knew your heartwarming smile which filled me with happiness and let me forget all the things around me, but I distroyed it not thinking about the consequences. I felt your warmth when you layed in my arms and your wild beating heart, only thinking of you as a 'toy'. How blind was I back then?

I wiped away my tears and stood up. My body lacked of sleep but falling asleep was impossible now. How long has it been since I slept a whole night? 6 years. The day I read your letter and cried the first time from your words. Since then my whole mind went up side down and can't get rest. I walked to the living room and turned on the TV.

"And now a big applause for our star guest: Kuroko Tetsuya. He was born in Japan and studied at the Harvard University psychology. He is nominated for additional prizes and published last week his bestseller 'Feelings'. Welcome at our show."

"Thank you for having me here."

Tetsuya is on a TV show? He looks good in this black suit. I think he also grew a bit. What's that? My heart is beating so fast. Am I really so much in love with him that only seeing him makes my heart race?

"I heard you travel back to Japan this month to make speeches at some universities."

"Yes, I do. I am looking forward to it."

"Then have a good flight and have a nice evening."

"Thank you."

He is coming back to Japan? Should I go and listen to one of his speeches and then ask him to drink something together? Is this my chance to get him back, better said to become friends again?

I opened my laptop and googled it. In no time I got the information I searched for. Tomorrow will be his first speech at Tokyo University. Perfect. I have a meeting in Tokyo when I remember it right.

Is this time fate on my site to change my life?

But will he actually speak with me?

'Maybe we can speak with each other again when we grew older and wiser...'

Yes, he wrote it himself.

And what should I generally say?

....

I am sorry Tetsuya for hurting you?

No, that sounds stupid and not like the Akashi he knew.

I also grew up, overtook the business of my father and right now I am the boss of the biggest company of Japan. I can't show up in front of him like a little child that speaks for the first time with his love. Also this situation is 10 years ago so why should I come up with it.

I googled his profile and found many psychological articles written of him. Wow I never expected him to become a person like that. Before he was always unseen and invisible for the people around him, but now he is a well known person in his science and shines like a light. It's like in the game with me. Suddenly he awakens and shows a different side of himself. He learned something new and I am quite curious to meet him.