A/N: You have been warned, this is more of a crack fic than an actual one shot, although there's a bit of Arima x reader at the end.
Warning, there's a lot of FOUL LANGUAGE and OFFENSIVE JOKES, because this is Cards Against Humanity, damn it.
"Alright! Listen up fuckers!" You exclaimed, instantly gaining the squad's and Arima's attention. "I got this game, and we're gonna play it." You pulled out the small, black box entitled Cards Against Humanity.
Upon seeing it, Shirazu snorted. At least someone knew what this was.
"And why, exactly?" Urie asked, eyeing you suspiciously.
"Because we're a family, damn it!" You answered. "Now get your asses here and let's play the best game this world has ever seen."
Everyone decided to obey your orders before you got angry, but you soon noticed that Urie had other plans.
"I hid your painting equipment." You threatened. "If you don't sit your pretty ass down at this table this instant, Urie Kuki, it's gone forever."
Urie glared at you before settling down at the table, crossing his arms and regarding you with disdain. You simply smiled and took the cards out of the pack.
"This is called Cards Against Humanity." You started. "In this game, the goal is to use these white cards to fill in the blanks placed in the black cards. You don't tell us who put what card, and the person that's 'it' has to chose which card is the funniest, the most offensive, or just their favourite answer. Questions?"
No one answered, so you took that as a no and gave everyone seven white cards, placing the rest on the table, next to the stack of black cards. "After the person chooses the best card, you all take another white card to make sure you always have seven cards. If you win a round, you'll receive the black card, and the first one with... eight black cards win."
Saiko glanced at her cards briefly before snorting out loud, making you smirk. "Yeah, it's like that." You smugly said, looking around for reactions. Shirazu was smirking, Mutsuki looked really pale, Arima was completely relaxed, Urie was unamused and Haise looked like he was just told his puns suck. This was going to be great.
And it was.
"Instead of coal, Santa gives blank to naughty children." You said out loud, placing down the black card and watching as everyone frantically searched in their hands for the best answer they could think of. Within thirty seconds, you had seven white cards sitting in front of you, which you picked up and shuffled around before looking at the first one.
"Instead of coal, Santa gives sex tourism to naughty children." You said, cracking a smile and placing the card down.
"Instead of coal, Santa gives radical Islamic terrorism to naughty children... Oh my god." You gaped, feeling horrible for laughing at such an awful thing.
"Instead of coal, Santa gives--" You leaned forwards, wheezing, snorting and giggling at the card in front of you, earning smiles all around the table. They were all curious to hear what the card was saying. "Santa..." You attempted to stop your annoying giggling. "Santa gives dead parents to naughty children."
You eyed Mutsuki for a small while, before deciding to stop because that was terribly rude, yet he seemed to have caught onto your stare.
"I have a feeling Santa's a ghoul." He spoke, making you mutter out an 'oh!' of surprise. You thought about it, but you never imagined he'd actually use his family's death as a joke...
"Holy shit..." Saiko gasped, also impressed by Tooru's words.
"Just go on!" Shirazu pleaded.
YOU ARE READING
Tokyo Ghoul X reader OneShots
Fanfiction[Requests are closed!] You know you love these characters as much as we all do, so I made it this easer to fantasize about them! My most recent chapters are all gender neutral, and I'm trying to use they/them pronouns as much as possible! WARNING:...
