Ignorance

XVII : Mistakes

The ride back to the Chateau was absolutely painful. Your three friends had to be transported to the hospital for a check up (although the doctors assured that if they were alright, they'd be sent back home), meaning you were stuck with Haise alone for the whole drive back. Like you said, painful.

"Do you realize how bad the situation is for you, (L/N)?" The superior sternly said, making you shiver. It wasn't a good sign when Haise Sasaki himself calls you by your last name.

"Yes." You monotonously answered, keeping your gaze on your hands, resting on your thighs.

"And you realize that by disobeying my orders, you risked not only your life, but your friends' lives as well?"

"Yes."

"Then can you tell me just why in the hell did you do that?"

You knew he was holding back from completely lashing out at you. He might seem calm, but you could basically feel the anger radiating off of him. You wouldn't even be mad if he yelled at you like he probably wanted to, you deserved it after all.

"I..." You sighed when you realized how dumb the answer sounded. "It was a shortcut."

"You're telling me you risked your lives for a shortcut ?" He asked, bewildered. He was hellbent on making you feel like shit, wasn't he?

"Yeah..."

"You know one of your friends might die because of that stupid decision."

Your head hung low at the mention of it. Because of you, Shirazu... Oh god, you don't even want to think about it.

You felt your bottom lip start to quiver and it took most of your willpower not to break down and start crying right there. You knew Haise might soften up if you cried, and you didn't deserve that at the moment.

"Remember this as a lesson, (L/N)." He added, trying his best to ignore your silent crying. "If things go south, remember this and make sure you don't make mistakes like that again."

'Again'... They're not going to fire you over this? They should! You practically killed someone because of it! "What do you mean, 'again'?" You muttered with a faltering voice.

"Exactly what I meant."

"You're not going to fire me over this? I basically led people to their deaths! I might have killed an innocent man, and you're just letting me go with a 'lesson learned'?" You ranted, grief quickly turning into anger.

"Yes. You're a quinx after all."

"A quinx? That's your excuse? Why do WE get special treatment when it comes to murder ? If I were in any other squad, they would have fired me, no?"

"Yes."

"Then fire me, Sasaki! Fire me!" You exclaimed. "I don't deserve this! I can't even face them again knowing it's my fault! Tooru probably has a concussion or a broken neck, I have no idea what the hell's wrong with Kuki and... And next time I see Ginshi, he might be six feet under! Fire me, damn it!"

Haise didn't even spare you a glance during your little fit. He simply looked on ahead, expressionless. "No. You're not going to give up. You're going to learn from this and refrain from repeating your mistakes in the future, end of the discussion. Now get out of the car and go to your room. I want your report on my desk tomorrow morning in full detail. Good night Investigator (L/N)."

You huffed in disbelief before doing as he told you and storming up to your room, breaking down as soon as you closed the door behind you.

Your shame lasted longer than what Haise had originally thought. Even after Urie and Tooru were sent back home, you remained in your room, only coming out to give Haise his report, eat, drink and shower while avoid any contact with them. You were becoming worse than Saiko.