shit i find funny

Fucking grapes

And my phones on 69

Best god damn thing ever

I laughed at grapes for 10 minutes yesterday cuz i thought of this:

(Warning: very offensive beyond this point)

"Father... I'm so hungry, please... Feed me."

"No."

"Please... I'll even take a grape..."

"Fine you can have a grape *throws grape at her*"

"Wtf im still hungry gimme more."

"You ungrateful bitch"

Granted it was funnier in my head.

Almost as 69 words. Almost, *69thWord* nice.

Ight so a kid goes to a museum for a field trip with his class yea? And then he walks in and hes eating pudding out of a cup. One of the teachers lookes at him and says "sweety you can't eat in here" then he says "why not?" And the teacher says "because what if you get it on one of the paintings or drop it on the floor." The kid looks at her and says "I'll lick it off the floor." Then he drops it and before he can lick it off the floor one of the autistic kids comes running down the hallway after he got out of his leash and pushed the kid aside and started eating it. Then a wheelchair kid comes down and sees this, he got so scared and confused that he shits himself. The autistic kid sees this and runs on all fours over to him. He thinks it's more pudding so naturally he eats it. He can't taste anything so he keeps eating it.

I just thought of that. Good plot for a movie.

Ok so it's Thanksgiving and a fat family goes to their skinny neighbors house to eat. They get in and of course they greet everyone. They wait 10 minutes, by this time their really hungry cuz they only had 3 sandwiches before they came here. "When's the food going to be done?" The son asks. "It's in the oven, but it'll be done soon." The mother of the skinny family says (we'll call her Linda). "How long is 'soon'" the son asks. Then *ding* the food is done. Linda walks over to the oven. The entire fat family flocks around her after 2.5 seconds that the bell went off. She put it on the table and opened the container thing (idk what its called) the son looks in horror as he saw that it was fish and not a Turkey. "Oh my god Thanksgiving is ruined." He says as he faints into his mothers arms. The father starts to panic, the only way to wake up his son was to wave chocolate in his face. He looked into the fridge and starts hyperventilating. All that was in there were fruits and Veggies. "Your fridge is a god damned wasteland!" He yells as he closes it. Soon later the fat mom calls her fat asseptence friends and they all come over. They took the fridge and burned it.

Eh not as good. But i laughed really hard at the "omg thanksgiving is ruined" line.

"Fat people don't have heartattacks because they ate to much, they have heartattacks because the fridge is empty." -me

Saying that made me remember this:

So i was at school and i had to sit next to someone who i didn't like, i didn't like her because she always stole food from one of the other people sitting at the table. So in my head i played a scene where this fat kid went into the fridge and it was empty. He yelled "oh my god!" And started crying really loud, like the kids on those videos where the parents break their Xbox. He starts having a full blown panic attack. So i start laughing really loud and the girl i don't like looks at me and asks what im laughing at. I couldn't tell her the truth so i told her that i imagined a mom spanking her fat son with a churro. Then she and the rest of the table started laughing and i saved myself.

I don't hate fat people or disabled people. My brothers autistic and my mom is fat so that proves i don't hate them.👍👌

Spongebob quotes are the best.

It's hard for me to laugh at something if its not offensive. Unless im tired, then i laugh at litterally everything. I was in math class and my teacher was writing and she wrote the letter 'y' weirdly and i got in trouble for laughing at it.

It's not bragging if something is true.

I told my science class that when i die i want my ashes to be put in a snowglobe with little mini figures of things i like. Half the class said it was cool.

I still remember the "im a banana" meme from a while ago and idk why.

my phase has been hetalia for like 8 or 9 months. This is the second longest phase in the history of forever for me. The longest one was undertale and it lasted at least a year. I have great shame for myself.

Ok so today is labor day and my neighbors are over (along with their 6 little kids.) And i need to piss but one of the kids wont gtfo of the bathroom. ToDaY iS a SaD dAy fOr mY bLaDdEr.

I write myself notes so i don't forget things but for some reason i figure "imma write back to myself" and then i forget but i write to myself again and the cycle continues. Look i have proof

Omg i was so cringe in 2015. But it doesnt help that im still cringe.

Oh no it's sideways. Idk how to fix that sorry. My cringe physically hurts me. And i wrote the german part at the bottom cuz im in german class and i need to know if i remember what that says in the future. Im gonna forget these notes to myself again one day, maybe even today. Weird how the mind works like that.

I've gone off topic with the title of this thing. I don't expect anyone to read this anyway cuz who tf gives a shit. But i feel like i gotta dump my stupid somewhere. So why not on wattpad.

I read auf wiedersehen sweetheart and it physically hurt me. But u should read it its on wattpad. "Auf wiedersehen Sweetheart." Thats all u gotta type.

I wrote alot im proud of myself