Chapter 1 ~ Losing Hope

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Freeds POV

Here I was again. Another day doing the same thing as before. My eyes drifted over to Evergreen on Elfmans lap. They finally got together.
Bixslow was trying to outdrink Cana. What a waste of money.
And Laxus... Laxus was flirting with Mira. No it's not flirting if they're dating. Nobody noticed anything different about me. No one saw through my fake smile.

A sudden laugh pulled my attention over to the bar where Laxus was eagerly kissing Mira's lips and my heart sank again. I couldn't keep doing this. It hurt so much.

I mumbled a half-assed excuse to Evergreen about being tired as I fled the guild, ignoring the eyes that probably lingered on my sudden retreat. I hurriedly ran home, sighing sadly as I entered the home we all shared.

I ran to my room and shut the door, nodding some as my runes activated. We all desired privacy in our home and we had thought of the idea of using my runes to cancel out the noises and make our rooms sound-proof and smell proof. Thank god for that when the others came home drunk.

I walked into my small bathroom and shed my clothes, folding them up nicely and setting them on the counter. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and sighed. Had my eyes always looked so sunken in? My hair...it looked so pale and messy. I turned to my side and studied my form. My muscles seemed to have faded and my ribs were so easily seen. It was amazing no one had mentioned anything about it to me. My eyes drifted to my wrists, scars covering all the way up to my shoulders. Some were old and healed, but some were newer and still red and puffy.

I smiled sadly as I pulled out my hidden knife, letting my finger bleed as I ran my finger over the blade. This was my sanctuary. This was how I felt anything anymore. And this was how I planned to torture myself.

I let out a slight gasp as I quickly ran the blade over my left wrist before laughing as the blade danced higher and higher. Red ran down my arm and all I did was laugh.
"One more for Laxus. One more for loving him. One more for ever thinking he could love you. One more for believing you mattered."
I couldn't stop as I started on my right arm. Blood covered my bathroom floor and all I could do was laugh at the pain. Maybe today was the day. Maybe today was the end.

My last memories of that day were hitting the hard bathroom floor as black dots clouded my vision. I let out one last laugh as I passed out, hoping to never wake from this nightmare.

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