Problem Kid

Chapter 4

"Finally! Lunch! I swear I'm starving I've not eaten since..... the start of that lesson!" I laugh at Jimmy, jokingly shoving him with my shoulder as I walk past.
"Wow, you poor starved child! We must get you food instantly!" We laugh, pausing by our lockers to throw our bags inside. I leave everything other than Summer's bag, slamming the door to my locker before turning to Jimmy who is still searching inside his.
"Where's my bacon sandwich? WHERE IS ITTTTT!" He cries out as people turn and stare at us.
"Shut up, Jimmy!" I whisper.
"Ohhhh it's here! Sorry!" I roll my eyes and practically drag him away towards Mr Gray's room.
"Ok, I'm doing some training with this bean in Mr G's room. You coming?" Jimmy nods, rushing to catch up with me.
"God, woman! Slow yourself," I kick his left foot which is encased in a black and white classic van.
"Arghhhh I dislike you,"
"I know," I stop outside the door, knocking and waiting to be called in before I push it open.
"Hey, Sir! Is it ok if I use this room for some training. You said that should be ok earlier?" He nods.
"You're welcome to it!" Summer sits beside me, flicking her tail.
"Sum, here," I call her over to a chair which I gratefully sit on, taking a breath and waiting for my dizziness to subside.
"You ok?" Jimmy is looking down at me, concerned, and Mr G is looking over.
"I'm fine, let's get training," I see Mr Gray trying to get me to look at him however I ignore it, beginning to take off Summer's harness and pour her biscuits into one pop out bowl. Jimmy pours water into the other and sets it down.
"I'm just going to do some work whilst she eats, ok?" Jimmy nods and settles in the corner of the room with his book, headphones and sandwich. I look into my bag at my tomato and mozzarella pasta.
1560 calories.
Great. With a small groan, I take it out and open it, prodding the food with a fork. I place the fork back down, opening my notebook and selecting a 2b pencil. I lied about working. I decided to sketch. My mind was racing and my thoughts were attacking me worse than normally. The first day had been horrible so far. I had passed out, People had stared at me, laughed at me and mocked me. I had made a complete fool of myself and ruined any chance of a good reputation. I was, once again, the freak. A nobody, unwanted and an outcast. As I thought all of this over my hand seems to have its own mind, sketching away. I stare down at what I've drawn. A teenage girl in the corner of her room, curled in a ball. She was crying into her knees, her multiple demons from out of her head attacking her in the form of dark shadows, yelling the words she hates the most at her. Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Die. Unwanted. Freak. Disgusting. Broken. A girl just like me. I place the pad of my thumb onto my soft cheek, wiping away a small ball of liquid. I'm so trapped in my mind that I barely notice Summer paw at my leg, her now empty bowl in her mouth.
"Everleigh?" I look up at the teacher who is behind me, staring down at my drawing. I throw my arms up to cover it however there's no point.
"You're not ok. And that's alright. Do you want to tell me what it is?" The years continue to slowly dampen my face as I reluctantly nod.
"It's just... my new start. It's ruined. Look at me, a laughing stock. I'm broken. Useless. Everyone hates me. I thought I'd have a chance at developing a good reputation but I've just made yet another bad one. I don't want to be like this... and my mind is racing. I want it to stop. The urges. I know how to make the pain go away. I know it's bad. I know it's not the right way but it's the easiest way," Summer paws my lap, alerting an oncoming panic attack.
"Down," she complies, settling on my feet.
"Breathe. Just breathe. It's oka-"
"No it's not! It's never ok! You don't understand! I'm not ok! I never will be!" I suddenly jump up, throwing my bag into my back and rushing out of the room.
"Everleigh!" I hear Jimmy's voice behind me, confused and worried, I just run. I run to the girls toilets where I throw myself into a small cubicle and sob into my hands. My fists tug at my hair, my feet kicking the wall as I cry. My breathing quickens and my vision fades to an angry red. I scream into my fists, the sound muffled and quiet. I cry and fight nothing until my mind clicks. I turn to my bag, tugging the zip open and taking out my pencil case. I take out my sharpener and throw it onto the floor, stomping on it until the plastic snaps and the blade is free.
"Everleigh!" I hear Jimmy outside the cubicle.
"Everleigh, I shouldn't be in a girls bathroom and I do feel pretty awkward right now. Are you safe?"
I take a gulp of air.
"Yes. I'm fine. I just need to be alone for a bit," my lies consume me.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Please just leave me. I'm fine, I mean it," I hear him relax, my heart shattering.
"Ok. I'll meet you back in the room?"
"Ok," as he leaves I stare down at the blade for a minute before placing it on my wrist. I cut it twice before stopping and crying once again.
"No... no... no! NO! NO WHY NO!" A relapse which I had fought for so long. I reached into my bag to find my mini first aid kit, taking out my disinfectant and bandages. Once I stop the blood flow, I clean my arm and bandage it carefully before taking my phone out and ringing Mum.
"Mummy? I'm sorry. I relapsed. It was too much but I promise it was only a relapse. Nothing else. I'm alright and it won't happen again. I know it"
"Alright honey, calm down," I breathe in and out slowly before beginning to explain to my mum.

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"Hey Everleigh! Welcome back! You ok?" I nod, smiling a wide, fake grin in front of Mr Gray
"Awesome. Well, I'm going to class. What do you have now?" I check my timetable.
"Study period. I'll find somewhere to work. I'll catch you later. See ya!" I hug him before waving and sending him off.
"I haven't got a lesson now. I was planning on binge watching some more Sherlock on my laptop if you want to stay in here?" I thank my teacher, nodding and placing my bag back down on the floor.
"But first, what's that?" I look down and see the edge of the bandage sticking out of my sleeve.
"Nothing," I turn away, calling Summer over and sitting on the chair. I had began to get dizzy yet again.
"Everleigh," I sigh.
"Fine. Yes. I cut myself again. It was too much,"
"Has a nurse seen it?" I shake my head slowly.
"I'm first aid trained. Come over here," I walk over slowly, settling in a chair beside him and slowly take off my long black cardigan. It was the first time anyone had seen my scars in so long. He looks at my arms for less than a second, ignoring the prominent old marks, moving his focus to the bandage.
"Can I?" I nod and he begins to unravel it, taking out a medic kit the size of a laptop bag from his draw. He slips on a pair of gloves before taking out a antiseptic wipe and brushing it across the wounds, causing me to hiss in pain.
"I'm sorry," I whisper that it's ok and he continues to clean my arm gently. After that, he takes out some gauze and lays it over the two red lines before wrapping an elastic bandage around it and taping it shut.
"They are pretty deep. Be careful and make sure they don't get infected. Ok?" I nod, thanking him.
"What did you use?" I open my right fist which still has the tool clutchesd inside of it. He holds out his hand and after a moment of resistance, I give it over, my tears beginning to fall.
"It's ok," I shake my head.
"I've let everyone down," he instructs me to look at him.
"No you haven't. This is a huge change which is immensely emotional and new for you. It's bound to have an effect on you. It was a lapse. You're not failing. You've just fallen down. All you need to do now is focus on getting back up and trying to stay that way, ok? You have your mum, Jimmy and me to help with that. We're here for you, ok?" I nod and smile weakly.
"You also have Summer here who seems to feel pretty left out right now," I look down at my puppy who is pawing at me to alert a blackout.
"Nope, she's just telling me that now is pass out time," he nods understandingly.
"I really don't know why this is happening again. It has been a lot more often recently though. I guess I should go to the doctors at some point," he nods.
"Yeah, that might be a good idea," I smile before moving my bag to the corner and laying on the cold floor after shrugging my cardigan back on.
"Here, use my coat," the tall man walks over to me, helping me lay the thick black jacket onto the floor. I settle my head into the fluffy hood, thanking him and relaxing. Summer hops into position over my stomach and I settle down, pulling out my phone. I open my messages, clicking on my mum's user.
E- Hey Mum. About to pass out. Make doc appointment plz? Been getting worse. Ily <3
"You ok?" I nod, placing the phone down beside me and putting my headphones on. Scars by SayWeCanFly plays and I smile softly, my conscience slowly fading out. I'm swept away into pure darkness for who knows how long. When I come back it isn't as fun. I'm jolted back into reality where I look over at my phone and see the headphones were never plugged in. Her Last Words was playing, near the end. Mr G was looking over at me worriedly. I groan, throwing my arm over my face.
"Don't worry. I know that kind of music can help people," I nod slowly.
"But it can also trigger them," I repeat the motion.
"Are you ok?" I nod.
"I'm fine-"
"No you aren't. I know what that word means. I know you're not fine. I totally understand that but please tell me when you aren't. Talk to someone. I'm here for you. I don't judge. I care!"
"I'm sorry. I will. Or, I'll try. I promise," I slide my body upwards, leaning on the wall for support. I stay in a sitting position where Summer moves down to my legs. I gently pet her and hand her a small treat. After a moment of breathing with my eyes closed, I feel for my phone, picking It up and turning it on to see Mum's reply.
M- Booked in for tomorrow after school. Love you more baby <3
I smile before throwing my phone back into my bag after turning it off.
"How long until next lesson?" The man runs his hand across his stubble before looking up at the clock.
"About 20 minutes. You hanging here?" I nod.
"If that's ok, thanks!" He returns to his laptop as I pull my body up off of the floor, shifting to a chair where I get Summer to tuck. I open my science revision book and begin to read the page on animal and plant cells, taking notes on a new page in my notepad. Waiting for the day to be over.

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EDITED