Part 3

Who'd Go After The Tiger

"Dazai, Kunikida, you massive waste of space, get your butts over here." Kirokugakari ordered, slamming her book closed angrily as she put down the phone. Doppo closed his laptop and rose from his seat and walked over to Kirokugakari's office. Osamu was peacefully sipping his coffee and was rather reluctant to put it down and join his partner, but then again, he didn't have anything better to do. Once they were both in front of her, Kirokugakari eyed the pair and sighed.

"Ok, let me start by saying I don't want to hear any complaints." she glared at Osamu as she said that, and waited for him to respond. He brought his hand to his mouth and made a zipping motion, then gave her a thumbs up. She proceeded. "We just got a request from the military police, there are reports of a wild tiger running around making a mess. You two are taking the case."

"Now hold on a minute, God, after the last case you promised I can take a break from this guy!" Doppo cried out, and Osamu nodded in agreement but didn't say anything, still keeping his promise to not complain.
"Didn't I specifically say I don't want to hear any complaints?" Kirokugakari pointed her pen at Doppo and squinted her eyes. "I'm not sending Dazai to terrorise the streets of Yokohama alone. He's YOUR partner so he's YOUR problem."
"Can't he go with someone else?" Doppo sighed.
"No." she answered decisively. "There's no one else I can send with this doofus."
"Can't I just go alone then?"
"Don't worry about it, Kunikida-kun," Osamu put his hands on Doppo's shoulders, "it'll be fun! Hey, if I'm lucky, the tiger might eat me, or maybe I'll get rabies and die!" he cheered, a wide and happy smile spread over his face.
Instead of trying to reason with him, Doppo strangled his giggling partner in frustration.

"OH MY GOD YOU TWO USELESS GARBAGE PEOPLE WOULD YOU JUST GET OUT OF MY OFFICE AND GO ALREADY!!!!" Kirokugakari threw her pen at Doppo, it hit him right between his eyebrows and made him let go of Osamu's neck and rub his forehead in pain.

"God, could I get your signature on these-ummmm...." Junko popped her head through the door and upon seeing the three in the middle of their whatever that was, kind of lost track of what she wanted to say, "is everything ok here, guys?"
"Kunikida-kun doesn't want to come with me and get eaten by a tiger!" Osamu said and was immediately punched in the face by Doppo.
"That sounds pretty reasonable..." Junko started saying, but her voice was barely heard under all the yelling.
"I don't want to go with you, regardless of the tiger!"
"I don't care what you want! Scram! Both of you!" Kirokugakari snapped. Osamu jumped to stand behind Junko with a yelp, crouching down a little to compensate for the difference in heights between them.
"Oh no, God is going to smite me! Save me, Junko!" he cried out dramatically.
"If God really wants to smite you I doubt I can do anything to stop her, actually..." Junko pointed out.
"If you don't get out of here right this instant I'll smite the shit out of all of you!" Kirokugakari yelled and started throwing pencils at both Osamu and Junko, who both took cover behind Doppo.

"What the hell God, don't threaten my apprentice like that!" suddenly Ranpo's voice cut through the chaos.
"THEY started it!!!" Kirokugakari jumped out of her seat in anger.
"Uh, don't worry about it senpai, it's really my fault for butting in uninvited." Junko said, clearly feeling bad about standing between Ranpo and Kirokugakari.
"Whatever, I don't want to deal with this," Kirokugakari picked up her pen from the floor, snatched the papers that Junko held onto and scribbled at the bottom of each one, "here's your dumb signature, get out of my face. As for you two," she turned to look at Doppo and Osamu, "I'll send you the briefing and files right now, so get cracking." and she pointed her finger at her door.

Before the two males had a chance to protest she gave them a final threatening glare which silenced them. Osamu shrugged and left the room, Doppo ran after him, Junko took a few more seconds to get her thoughts back in order and stepped out as well.

Suddenly Kirokugakari shook her head as she remembered something important and turned over to stand at her door.

"And one more thing Kunikida, don't let this turn out like that one time Kenji and Dazai went on a case together and came back with a bunch of stray kittens, I don't want another office pet!"