Familiar Stranger

Chapter 25 Why ?

This is it . The big reveal .

The doctors did some tests so now I'm waiting - very impatiently - in her office for her return. 

This was the  longest 10 minutes of my life .

I mean why can't she just say how many weeks I am , like a normal doctor ? But no , she has to ' wait for all the results and discuss it all together ' as she put it .

I tried everything,  begged , pleaded,  I even explained the extreme of the situation I was in . But to no avail.  She just plainly replied ; "I know how anxious you first time mother's are , but please try to be patient." I mentally scoffed at her remark . She has no idea what I'm going through !

After another painfully long 2 minutes , the door knob turned , and in came Dr Sanders . She was hard to read , I had no idea what was running through her head , and that's what bothered me the most.

I watched as she took a seat behind her large mahogany desk , putting my file ever so gently down . She folded her hands in a professional manner as I fumbled with mine in my lap . The tension was eating me up , and she wasn't making it any easier by prolonging everything. 

"So , Madison -"
"Maddie . I prefer to be called Maddie . "

"Right. Maddie , it seems if I'm correct that you're about , 3 almost 4 weeks . Now the baby seems -" I zoned out after that , just seeing her lips move but no sound coming out.

3 almost 4 weeks .

That's impossible!

That means it could be any one of them !

3 , 4 weeks back could be either James , the day before Nick came back or Nick , the day he came back . They're so close !

It frustrates me because I was so sure that it was James' now it might not even be his !

I looked back at her as she watched me , probably waiting for a response on someting , but I didn't even catch a word there after .

"I said you should pick up your prenatals at the front and book your next appointment .  Maddie are you okay ? " she said in a soft , caring tone ,  for the first time since I've been here  . Almost as if she really cared about my feelings and well being.

At first she seemed strictly business,  no emotion , not caring . Just doing her job and getting it done . But , now she seems as if she actually cares . As if my distant and panicked state broke her from her strictly  professional mindset. 

"Yeah , um just overwhelmed I guess . I'll do that thank you . " I said as I picked up my bag and walked out the door , without glancing back,  without turning around . Just walking straight to my car .

I sat there, with my head on the wheel,  just crying .

I thought everything would be fine , or atleast better if I knew how far along I was but instead , it made everything  worse . Now I have no idea who it could be anymore or what to do .

Do I go back to Nick and hope he forgives me ?

Or do I go back to James and lie to him again , telling him it's his ?

I have no idea where to go , I just know that I don't want to be alone right now .

Wiping my face I put the car in drive and just took off , seeing where I'll end up . My thoughts keeping me company,  not good at  that either , the negative outcomes and the broken hearts keeps getting stuck in the back of my mind . Replaying like an old film on repeat .