𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙧 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙚 | ✓

xvii

Akanke stands at the end of the waterslide line, bouncing on the balls of her feet and being all alone. She looks around for anyone she knows that she could drag into waiting in line with her, but she sees none of her friends. She sees people she's hooked up with and people she's been friends with, but no one who's her current friend. She thinks in that moment that maybe she's being too hard on herself with her friendship criteria, but honestly it isn't that bad. She just wants people who would invite her somewhere as their first choice. She thinks she's found that in her new group of friends (and Jess of course) and hopes nothing changes, but now she has to find one of them to stand in line with her.

"Akanke?" She spins to find Daniel approaching. Finally, a friendly face.

"Hey dude! You should come stand in line with me. It's hella boring alone," she says and he joins her, awkwardly walking forward as the line moves a bit. "So how's life?"

"Pretty great, I guess. This trip is probably the highlight of it so far." He laughs his own joke, realizes how lame that is, and then stops halfway through a chuckle and looks at his bare feet. Daniel is going to do it. Right now. He's going to ask out Akanke Donovan.

The two climb the stairs up to the slides and Aka's talking about random things and he's totally not ready. But he's doing it anyway because that's what this is all about. That's what the last trip of senior year of high school is all about: taking risks, having fun, and holding onto that little piece of you that isn't yet an adult. "Hey Akanke, can ask you a question?"

"Yeah," She stops whatever tangent she was on, "what is it, Daniel?" Her voice cracks and Akanke knows what he's about to do. She doesn't want to stop him or say anything but she knows what's going to happen. She can just tell.

"Akanke, will you go out with me? Like, on a date? Once all this Truth or Dare stuff is over?" He looks away and Daniel knows he blew it. She's not saying anything for far too long and his face is bright red. He grabs at his hair and tries to pull it down his face. "What's wrong?"

"I can't say yes." Akanke thinks of a way to phrase it that won't hurt her friend's feelings. "I've known for a while now that you liked me and I knew this moment was coming and I didn't want to have to confront it but here we are and I don't know how to let you down softly." She frowns. "Shit. This is the second time today I've fucked up majorly. I just wanna say I'm sorry Daniel."

Daniel's got tears in his eyes now. He tries not to sound like he's crying but then he takes a breath in and his nose sniffles loudly. He meets her eyes with his own greyish-green ones and then closes his. "How'd you know..."

"Cash told me. At that sleepover dare thing we had. After you went to bed he said he wanted me to know and that he was trying to be a good friend and help you."

"Cash? What the fuck?" Daniel's crying now. Large tears roll down his cheeks and his shoulders shake uncontrollably. He's hiccuping and wiping his eyes and he's angry. This was going to be his moment to tell Akanke how he felt, but she already knew. Because of Cash.

He's gone in an instant. Dashing down the stairs and sprinting out into the main pool area. Looking around for any sign of Cash. Finding him at a table with Lavender. Marching up to him and wiping his eyes.

"Daniel?"

"Fuck you Cash. Fuck you." Daniel shouts it louder than he intends and his voice breaks, like his heart. He wants to shrivel up and die right then and there. "Fuck you." He's gone again and Cash doesn't even know what's happening.

"Daniel! Wait! What's wrong?" He tries to chase after his friend, but he's gone too fast and the search is hopeless. Cash is sad and confused and turning around to Lavender's worried expression doesn't help. "We have to find him."

<><><><><>

Sean thinks he's alone in the bathroom. The sink water runs and he stares into the mirror at the monster he's become. On the outside, he looks exactly the same. His brown eyes still match his tanned skin and the moles that dot his face and arms are still in the same places they've always been. But he's different. He knows things he shouldn't and he plans and telling them to people who will use them for things he doesn't want to imagine.

There's a noise behind him. It's barely audible, but it's enough to make him jump. Sean doesn't turn around but instead takes a second for his eyes to focus on the thing behind him in the mirror, making himself just a blurry shape. There are a few stalls behind him, only one of which is closed.

Slowly, he turns around and approaches the stall, stepping quietly. He knocks on the door. Once. Twice.

"What?" The voice sounds rough and uneasy, like someone who's very sick or very sad. It also sounds familiar and Sean strains to hear it again. It takes a second but it finally clicks who is behind the door and he wants to run out right away.

"Daniel? Is that you?"

Pause.

Sigh. "Yeah. It's me."

"What's going on? Are you alright?" As soon as he heard his friend's defeated voice, Sean loses all thoughts of his cruel mission. He needs to help Daniel first. "Do you wanna come out?"

There's another soft sigh and he hears Daniel's feet touching the ground as he stands up. There's a click and the door swings open, leaving the other boy out in the open. Sean's mouth opens into a small gasp as he looks at his friend.

Daniel's hair is pressed against his face is a sad swoop. His eyes are red and puffy and there are splotches of color all over his face. His arms are crossed as a sort of wall of defense; his shoulders are slumped. Sean's never seen anyone in a worse state (okay maybe he has, but he's not thinking of it at the time.)

"Holy shit man, what happened?"

The taller boy steps out of the stall without a word. A few tears trail down his face and Sean pretends not to notice them. He doesn't know what to say. There's too much for words.

"Here, let's sit down," Sean sits under a bench that is against the back wall of the bathroom. The seat creaks and it echoes through the empty room. Daniel follows him.

"Well," He starts and tries to keep his voice steady, "I asked out Akanke."

Sean makes a quick connection in his mind. So Lila told him that she has a crush on Akanke and Akanke declined Daniel (assumed by the state his friend is in) so she's probably into Lila (also assumed by the way the two have been acting in the last day or two, especially last night) and that's probably why she said no. He stares at Daniel. "That sucks man."

"That's not even the worst part," His voice breaks on 'worst' but he keeps going. "Cash knew I liked her and so he told her. Before I could tell her. She already knew and was preparing to say no."

"Woah." Something in the back of his mind mentions how he could use that as his secret on both Daniel and Cash, but it's distant and he isn't thinking about it at the moment. He's focusing on how fucked up the whole dynamic of their friendship is going to become in the next few hours. It's already changing before his eyes. "So what'd you do?"

"I kinda ended our friendship right there."

"Did you talk to Cash?"

"Yeah." Daniel says no more and Sean thinks he can guess how well that went. He doesn't press for more and instead grabs the other boy's shoulder. He pulls him in for a hug and Daniel's crying again but Sean doesn't care.

The two just hug under the fluorescent lights of the bathroom, with the distant yelling of children and vague Disney music as the soundtrack to their sad, teen movie-like moment. Both contemplate a lot of things and Sean realizes he's a lot closer to crying than he'd like to admit.