Citizen

Chapter nineteen

I'm an Exempt.

The words swam in Kyra's head as she tried to take them in, unblinking, eyes frozen on James. His face was scrunched up as though he'd just received a punch to the gut. But no, it was her with the aching chest, with the pain in her body that she couldn't even begin to describe.

How long had he been lying to her? Why didn't she notice earlier? Her eyes closed as she dropped his wrist. Numb in body and mind, she spun on her heel and headed for the door, ignoring the prickling sensation at the back of her eyes. I will not cry, she thought, not here, not now. A firm hand on her arm made her whirl around, eyes narrowed.

"Stop Kyra, I can-"

Her hand connecting with his cheek cut off his words. The slap was like a clap of thunder and reverberated around the room. She could feel the eyes on her back, hear the whispers from all around, but she didn't care. Her hand stung, but the red print on his cheek filled her with satisfaction - enough to block out some of the hurt. "Don't you dare speak to me."

She shrugged out of his grip but in seconds James was back in front of her, his arms around her on either side. Once glance at Kyra's face made him retreat, but the space between them was still too little for Kyra: she doubted being on the other side of the city would be enough for her. She just had to get away.

James sighed and half closed his eyes. "Stay Kyra, at least so I can explain; five minutes is all I'm asking for." There was no snarky comment, no sarcasm in his tone or a spark of humour in his eyes. He was really James, the boy she'd known since she was a child, the boy with the shaking bottom lip and wide blue eyes she couldn't help but give into.

It wasn't his face that weakened her resolve though; it was the thought of understanding, learning what was so important James had lied to her for so long. Above all else, she knew that thought would plague her the longest. She glanced up, and as the many eyes watching her all flickered away, she nodded. James let out a shaky breath and led her back down the long corridor into the room at the end.

Though it was lacking the Commander's cold presence now, the room was as uninviting as ever. James sat at the other end of the table, while Kyra stopped just past the door, pacing back and forth in the small space between the table and the far wall. James watched her silently through his fingertips. "I didn't mean for you to find out, not like that."

Kyra's eyes flashed to his face. "Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you hoping we would end up on opposite sides of the city for the rest of our lives and you'd never have to speak to me again? Easier than facing the truth I suppose, and you do have a habit of taking the easy way out."

The hurt in his eyes filled her with a sick sort of happiness; she never wanted to hurt anyone else, never had the stomach for it, but all she wanted to do in that moment was see him as upset as she was.

James ran a hand through his hair. "You're right Kyra, I know you are. I wasn't going to tell you if I didn't have to because you don't deserve this knowledge, no one does. The only upside is that now I don't have to lie to you. So what do you want to know?"

She reached for the door. "Before I get started do you want me to go get the Commander? I mean, I'm sure you're going to report this whole conversation back to him, but he might as well hear it directly rather than through a spy."

"It's not like that."

"And you expect me to believe you?" Kyra shook her head. "At least all of your weird behaviour over the years makes sense now. No zaps, no commands, no discipline - and I always wondered why you never learned."

"Kyra, I-"

"No wonder you were always disappearing randomly, you had to go report back to your boss. All those secrets you know about the city, all those extra perks, all those times I got punished and I thought it was all okay because we were in it together. But you felt nothing. How could you do that to me?"