Citizen

Chapter twenty-one

Kyra was numb as she stepped over the threshold of her house, allowing the door to slam shut behind her. The orange light of sunset filled the windows as she marched up the wooden staircase, her mother silent behind the kitchen counter. As the path evened out, there were three ways to walk: left, right, or straight. She veered left, towards her familiar white door that was covered in dust as though it hadn't been used in weeks. It felt like it hadn't.

The handle turned easily under her touch and admitted her into the room. At least it hadn't changed: the bed was made, the edges cut with creases; books lined the floating bedside table and were organised on her shelves by title; the mirror reflected golden light around the room, drawing Kyra's eyes to the window where the sun was dropping. She paced towards it, her eyes set on the house across the street. James'.

His window was open, but there was no hint of the boy she so desperately wanted to talk to. But then again, he wasn't that boy anymore.

A knock on the door made her whirl around. Faye was shrouded in shadow, her hair tucked behind her ears as she stepped into the room. Her grey eyes glided over the bed, the desk, and then finally her daughter.

"Is everything alright, sweety? You looked a bit shaken when you walked in."

Lips parted, ready to answer with a prepared 'yes, I'm fine', she stopped herself. And sobbed. She launched herself into her mother's arms, letting tears stain her shirt as she pulled her mother into a tight embrace. Faye rubbed her back and pulled her tighter, whispering comforting words into her ear. She smelled of laundry detergent and coconut, so warm and familiar that Kyra couldn't will herself to let go.

Faye pulled back, placing her hands on either side of her daughter's face. "What is it, love? What's making you so upset?"

The prison. James. Ashley. Everything. Kyra didn't know where to start.

"I-I-I..." Kyra stopped to take a deep breath, but it only made her sob harder and bury her head in her mother's embrace. "I can't say."

"Can you at least tell me why you can't tell me?" Faye pulled Kyra over to the bed and sat her down against the wall, where she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Faye grabbed a blanket and pulled it over them both as she sat down.

"It's... complicated." She sniffled, before adding, "Work stuff."

Faye nodded. "Understandable, then. Can you put it in simple terms?"

Kyra sat up and turned so that she was facing her mother's side, struggling to find the right words. "Well a boss from another sector wants me to help him complete a particular job. If it goes right, I could help revolutionise the city and make it even better. But my role would include setting a trap for my partner and that could hurt him. Emotionally, I mean, and in terms of his position. And not only that, it could end up hurting the entire city if even a single second of the plan goes awry. And if I don't do it, the boss said he would hurt my... I mean, the things I love."

She couldn't say 'hurt you' out loud, not when her mother was still on the drug.

Kyra sighed. "I couldn't live with myself if I let the things I love be destroyed, but I don't think I can do what he wants and betray my partner either. He's been so kind to me, so lenient, so understanding when I was conflicted. And if the plan goes wrong and he gets in trouble it will be all my fault." She wiped her eyes and smiled a grim smile. "If I do it I'm a terrible person, if I don't I'm a terrible person. I just don't know what to do."

"Well, what would happen if you told your partner rather than trick them?"

Kyra looked at her mother with pursed lips. "If I side with my partner, if I ask for his help... the plan could be pursued on my terms, but the odds of him agreeing aren't high. Besides, more than one person could be punished if it fails, people... people I work with." You could be punished, she thought. Danny, James, Ethan, as well. Everyone I care about in one swift shot.

"And if it works?"

"I can make a difference for everyone, or try to, at least. Help the city before it's too late."

Faye pursed her lips, thinking. "What was your first instinct?"

"To do what I was instructed, I suppose."

"And what was your second?"

"To do what is right."

"But what's right? Letting yourself and the things you love get hurt for not bowing down?" Faye's hand tightened on her daughter's arm as she grimaced, no doubt receiving a zap; Kyra could almost feel her mother's pain.

Kyra thought for a moment, twisting and tucking her hands. "Telling my partner what is happening and praying he will do what I ask is right, I think. At least then he has the chance to decide what he wants to do for himself, no matter how it affects other people." At least then he would have a luxury Kyra couldn't afford. But what she was asking him to do was insane. If someone asked her to believe in a secret society and infiltrate the heart of the control centre to help three prisoners escape, she would run as fast as she could in the other direction.

"How do I know if what I think is right is really right?"

Faye shrugged. "My mother used to say that the first thought you have is what you're trained to believe, what society decides is correct. The second one is how you really feel. I think-"

Footsteps on the stairs made the room fall silent. Kyra looked towards her door - praying and yet dreading that she would see a flash of blonde. Danny's head was down as he passed the door, his nose buried in a book. It wasn't until he'd walked down the hall past the bathroom that he whirled to face them, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"I thought I heard someone talking." He smiled and tucked the book under his arm. "Next time you plan a family gathering in Kyra's room, remember to invite me."

He slid between them on the bed, his long legs able to touch the floor despite leaning back against the wall. Kyra leaned her head on his shoulder; she could smell the hospital on him, the stench of cleaning products and books from studying all day.

"So what were you discussing before I interrupted?"

Kyra leaned around him to smile at her mother. "All your favourite topics, Danny - makeup tips, hair styles, flattering dress shapes. There's a dance coming up in a couple of weeks."

"Ahh, right. I need to my plan my look as well. What shade of eyeshadow are you wearing right now?"

"Anxiety with a hint of insomnia." She fluttered her lashes. "It really brings out my eyes."

Danny laughed and got to his feet. "I'll have to borrow it some time. But for now I have a mound of homework that isn't going to finish itself." With a grin he left the room, closing the door behind him. Kyra stared at the door, wanting him to come back, to feel his warmth by her side. If the plan went wrong she could lose her family forever, a thought that terrified her more than any other and filled her with guilt. How was her family more important than the other thousands of families in the city?

If she chose James, she was betraying Ethan. But if she confided in Ethan and he didn't trust her it could put James and his people at risk - at least it would stop the Outsiders from attacking the city. If they truly existed, that is. 

Kyra's mind was a surging perplexity. She looked at Faye, her features crumpled, trying to find an answer in her mother's kind face. "How do I decide something like this?"

"I can't tell you what to do, this is something you have to decide on your own. But ask yourself this: after everything you've heard lately, everything you've seen, which one do you trust the most?" Faye leaned forward and planted a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "Then you'll have your answer."

— author's note —

Hey everybody! How's it going?

This chapter is short but sweet. One of Kyra's important values is her love for family, so when writing this chapter I really wanted to capture the Jackson family dynamic. What are your thoughts on their family?

Question: if you were Kyra, would you do as James asked, tell Ethan about the plan or do something else? Let me know your thoughts!

As always, thank you so much for your support. It means the world to me to see your comments and votes and realise people actually enjoy my work. x