Citizen

Chapter twenty-five

PSA: I made some slight changes to chapter twenty. They shouldn't interfere with your reading but they're important for chapter twenty-four. I'll remind you again then. :)

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Kyra wrapped her arms around her legs as she looked out the window at the street below. Dew coated the surfaces like glass, reflecting the warm glow of light coming from each dwelling. A figure shrouded in darkness slipped from the adjacent house, small in the distance but approaching quickly. There was no doubt in her mind who it was.

What happened in the meeting after she and Ethan left, she wasn't sure. Hayes had only told them a recap: the Commander had talked. There were screams of outrage and people smacking their fists against tables and walls. People hated her, and James by default for not knowing what she would do, even though it was impossible. They were still deliberating whether to kill her or work with her.

Sighing, she picked up a long forgotten book and scanned the page, her eyes curving around the words but her mind blank of any thoughts. She felt calm. There was no clammy sweat pooling on her skin, no queasy stomach, no shaking hands. For the first time since her Vinctures she felt in control.

A fist tapped lightly against her door.

Kyra scurried to the door and held it open, eyes set on the floor, preparing herself for what was to come. With pursed lips James walked past her to the window and span, watching as she closed the door gently.

Gaze still avoiding his, she murmured, "What did they decide?"

"To go along with your plan. In a sense." He pulled a letter out of his coat pocket and pressed it into her palm. "Read this after I leave then destroy it."

She twirled the envelope with her fingertips. "Did you come here just to deliver this?"

"No. I want to know why you're adamant on getting yourself killed."

"I'm not."

"Let me rephrase that. Why are you crossing the Commander?"

"I'm not afraid of your Commander." She slid the envelope under her pillow.

"You should be. No one challenges the Commander without retaliation." He sat on the window's edge. "It's not too late to back out, I can find someone else to take your place."

Kyra's head whipped up.  "Why shouldn't I do it?" Her voice was like a tripwire - an unseen danger unless set off.

"I'm not here to play psychologist." He ran both hands through his hair, pausing as he spoke. "If you'd stuck to the original plan you could have struck a deal to get your father sent home - if he's even there, which is a long shot. Instead you angered a powerful man and put yourself in the line of fire. Going out there yourself is a death wish."

"Give me a reason why you think the plan won't work."

"I could give you a thousand."

She shrugged. "Even if you gave me a million it wouldn't matter."

"How do you gather that?"

"Because for once in my life I am being completely and utterly selfish. Actually, no I'm not. Ninety percent of this is about the people in this city who have no idea what they are up against, or the people trapped in that jail who have no one to fight for them. The other ten percent is for me. I need to fix the part of my life that has been missing for eight years. And even if I can't, I'll be out there helping your cause either way."

"Kyra, this isn't just about you. There are lives on the line-" He stepped forward to reach for her arm.

"Mine included, all to help a war you pulled me into. I always put my feelings on hold for you James, but this time it doesn't matter. I'm doing this for me because that is my father out there, my family. I'm sorry you can't leave Arabel like you've always wanted to but it's not my fault. You can't be mad at me for doing this when you would do it if the roles were reversed, regardless of who was outside."

His arms dropped. "And so the truth comes out. You think I'm mad because I can't leave and you can?"

"I know you are."

"Well then you don't know me."

"Why else would you say you could find someone to take my place? You want it to be you." She paused to take a deep breath and steady her shaking palms. "Can you stand there and honestly say you didn't feel betrayed when I said I wanted to go outside?"

He walked back to the window, his chest heaving, the room silent except for their breaths. "No. I've always wanted to leave this place. I would rather do the bare minimum outside the fences than save the world from inside them. I'm selfish. I know that."

"Good. I'm glad you finally admitted it so we can stop pretending you came here just to warn me."

James exhaled harshly, pulling his head into his lap. "You're right. About this being up to you. I put you in this mess and there's nothing I can do to fix it, so you might as well be selfish. Every bad thing that's happened to you is all my fault. You've only proved that tonight."

The calm was replaced with a tightness in her chest. "James."

He looked down at his clenched fists. "Being a part of my life has ruined yours. It was always about me, it always has been. If it weren't for me and my messed up life you'd be normal. Happy."

Kyra's face softened. "That's not true-"

"I can't save the people in the prison, or the Outsiders. I can't save Ashley." Glassy droplets caught the light as they slid down his cheeks. "Kyra, I got you into this mess and I can't even go with you to make sure it doesn't get you killed."

As James got to his feet Kyra wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him in place. She could feel his tears, warm where they sunk into her shirt. His cold fingers pried hers apart as he headed for the door.

"James, please, just stay-" Kyra grabbed onto his wrist, nails digging deep into his skin. He shrugged her hand off.

"No Kyra, you were right. This isn't your problem, it's mine. From now on, this is my mess, I won't make it any worse for you than I already have. And besides, I don't get an opinion on this, right?"

The last thing she saw was James's face, lips parted, eyes red, tears stopping at the bottom of his chin, before the door slammed shut.

— author's note —

Hey everybody! How are you? Sorry for going MIA, graduation and family stuff came first for a few weeks.

What did you think of this chapter? I'm not 100% happy with it so please feel free to point anything out that doesn't seem right.