Clemency (Reiner x reader x Bertholdt)

Chapter three: Scabs of regret

Im laying on the floor, my eyes are looking tired because the pain didn't let me rest enough. Feeling every inch of the ground is the only thing I can do for distracting myself of the itch I feel in my back. I don't dare to touch my injuries...They are stinging and feeling like hot charcoal covering my bare back.

The squeaking of the door opening grinds on my ears rumbling in my brain. I can barely move, I never thought trying to open my eyes was going to be the hardest thing to do in my life.

Bertholdt is standing in front of me, he walks towards me kneeling down and helps me to sit trying to be as gentle as possible.

"Are you feeling better? I-I brought something for you." 

He constantly came for checking me up...this was the sixth time he came.

My head is bending down and my hair covers my face. "Hey..." He says lifting a lock of my hair softly revealing my agony face, he puts it behind my ears carefully. Grabs my hands and once he putted both face up proceeds to cautiously place a bowl with soup in them. "Do you have enough strength for eating by yourself?" He says worried.

I don't response any of his questions.

He looks concerned, lowers his gaze to the ground and spoke with a compassionate voice. "I'm sorry, I see that you're still pretty weak...I-I'll let you rest more." He grabs the bowl and puts it away.

He sits next to me and he notices my shivery breath, before he can say something else I hug him. Releasing tons of tears as I sob hoping he feels miserable and regretful enough to set me free, I'm stretching my arms to reach his tall located nape. It hurts and I feel how my scabs crack, but once my hands meet behind his head they lock ignoring the pain in my back.

That's the only plan I have...It's shitty, but since is the only thing I can actually try without being harmed...I decided to try it.

"Bertholdt...please...let me go, I can't take this pain anymore..." I say with the first words that came from my dry brain, he doesn't hug back. 

"We can't let you go..." His eyes showed regret and tenderness towards me, I just cry and squeeze his shirt. 

"Bertholdt please..." 

He starts to slightly tremble. "I can't!" He shouts as he pushes away from my hug roughly.

Never heard him scream nor act like that before, I remember for a second days back when we were in training...-He looks so peaceful and calm, not a single struggle- Thats the way I used to think of him... Incredible.

I wanted to say something but he cuts my words "I-I can't..., please understand..." He speaks agitated.

He grabs my shoulders and looks at my face...I wince and close one of my eyes as I feel how his fingers are making contact with some of the injured parts of my back, his gaze has some tears. I can feel he is in a deep repentance, I just lower my head with glum and sorrow.

My plan had failed...something already expected.

He stands with his head facing the ground, wields his shaky hands and leave without saying anything else.

I'm just sitting trying to figure out what his eyes were trying to tell me. With that gleaming tears, wrinkled nose and frown eyebrows. 

My eyes still watery, I dry them and rest my shoulder in the wall. 

I give a deep sigh and attempt to fall asleep. 

What other thing I can do? 

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 A soft voice wakes me up, I open my eyes a little naively hoping is someone who can help me find a way out of here.

I was expecting to see Bertholdt...

My eyes open fully and my pupils dilate completely as I see Reiner standing by my side.

"Please Reiner, I told you everything I-" I say scared. He just stares at me remorseful as he spokes a deep "I'm sorry"

My tense shoulders relax when I hear his unexpected apology. 

"I brought something for your back..." He shows to me some bandages. I sigh strangely relieved, he wasn't here for hurting me. He was here for...healing me?

 "Aloud me ..." He attempts to touch my shoulders, but a reflection in me makes me hit his hand.

He grabs my hand and lowers it
"Don't" he spokes and turns me in a surprising light way so he can see my back, I'm scared.

He is quiet so I suppose he is looking at my wounds, I give a slight leap when I feel his hand touching my back. 

"You have plenty scabs, have you been scratching your wounds?" he asks but I don't answer. I hear how he starts cutting bandage and places them in the injured parts of my back. 

It hurts a lot.

"You'll be fine" he says when he finishes healing me over the bandages with cottons and iodo. 

"Why are you healing me?" I ask

He looks to the ground disappointed.

"I didn't mean to whip you like that, I losted it."

His face shows regret, I touch my shoulder and look at him.

He gazes to me without any expression.

I raise a brow confused. "I have plenty scabs too." He spokes with a low voice as he stands up and slowly walks away
He shuts the door...

All I can think of is that they have done terrible things, It's a fact that can't be denied.