Clemency (Reiner x reader x Bertholdt)

Chapter five: What is this feeling pt.2

Still standing I realize he didn't even chained me up.

I'm trying to think what I was feeling, all I had in my mind was... Reiner

Why? Was I trying to deny something? Or trying ignore something? 

"He is a traitor... he is just playing with you, just likes he plays with everyone else, he tortured you and is keeping you captive! Your comrades must be concerned about what happened to you...Don't you dare to open that fucking door." A voice mutters in my mind.

But, the other part of my mind was fighting back telling me to sickly accept the something I felt.

I was completely lost.

I stretch my hand trying to grab the handle, but in my mind there is a war...should I open it or not? My fingers stretch and shrink confused and quavery.

Before I make up my mind, Reiner already opened the door.

He is standing in front of me with the ring of keys in his hands. My eyes collide with his, our faces are the same...confused and frightened of something... A feeling.

Memories try to block my head. I try to ask myself if this is right, but that memories fade away as I see him getting closer to me. In just a second, my hands are pushing his chest back stopping his movement, Reiner drops the keys and grabs my waist delicately. I gave him a tied up stare, trying to pull his hands away from my body.

I tried to think about what was happening but my hands slowly touched his cheekbones like they were now self-conscious.

Our lips abruptly meet, he wraps his robust arms around my hips holding me tightly, I'm still thinking with my eyes wide open...astonished by my own action, my are floating next to each of his cheecks all shivery and startled. A new question emerges... should I hug back or stop? This is wrong...

He is holding me more vigorously, my eyes plant into his expression looking at his scowled eyebrows and tense eyes, like his deepest desires were finally released in one single burst.

He breaks the kiss and our eyes are strangely full of light. His face is packed with a begging gaze, like he wanted more, thats when I realized...I regrettably wanted more too.

Why would I feel such a thing for him after all he has done?

Heavy breaths fill the surroundings, we kiss again...but this time I hug back. Already surrendered to my weak and gross feelings.

We catch our breath and repeat, so on and so on holding each other faces. Strings of saliva are already connecting our bottom lips, this feels so mistaken. My hands rest in his wide shoulders, rumpling his shirt trying to control and manage my breaths between the roughness of his kisses. His palms are full of locks of my damp hair, he feels my stirring and breaks the kiss panting heavily. Looking my reflection in his alight hazel eyes makes me feel miserable, I just look down disappointed of myself. He is a traitor and still, I have been developing feelings for him...This is a serious problem.

He suddenly starts unbuttoning my shirt but stops as he looks at my hand barely wrapping his huge wrist. He begins to slowly raise his look from my almost exposed breasts to my troubled conmotionated flushed face, his expression now shows repentance letting go of the button he was about to undo. He sighs while tears start to cover my lower eyelid, he gives a step back wielding his fists.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to..."

I just place my hand in my chest, hearing my penitent heartbeat. I did feel scared at the moment he started undoing my shirt but, mostly it was the guilt I felt inside for kissing him and letting him kiss me with that level of roughness.