Cassandra

Chapter Sixteen

For the next two weeks, Cassandra moved about the house and all the other events they attended like a ghost, her spirit elsewhere while her body performed all her temporal tasks.

All she could think of was what Kit had confessed to her, what he had asked her. She spent her every waking moment thinking of it and her every sleeping moment dreaming of it, of what had happened and what could have happened.

If she was being honest, she both regretted and did not regret her choice. She regretted it because she did feel something for Kit, something she could put into words. She did not regret it because her duty was to her family.

Or, at least, that was what she told herself.

One consolation was that she had not seen Kit at all. He had been avoiding every social event, avoiding her. It saddened her but, more than anything else, she felt guilty. She had no right to be sad, not after she had turned him down and broken his heart.

She hadn't even seen his sister or her husband at all, so she could not ascertain whether he was alright. Above all else, she hoped he was okay. More pain was the last thing he needed. He deserved only all the happiness and all the joy the world had to offer.

His happiness might've made her happy, too.

At this thought, she felt tears come forth and slip past her eyelids, where they rolled down her cheeks. She didn't do anything to wipe them away, and let them fall, one after the other. A silent sob wracked her body, but she suppressed it. She wasn't supposed to show her emotions like this and, as a rule, she never did. She hated seeming weak to others and even herself.

There was a knock at her door and Cassandra straighted, using her sleeve to wipe at her eyes before clearing the hoarseness from her throat and calling, "Come in!" with as much cheer as she could.

Just as she did, Amelia bustled in, humming a jolly tune, with Cassandra's freshly-pressed dress in her arms. There was a ball they had to attend, despite the fact that she did not have it in her to go. She had almost backed out and told Nate that she was not feeling well, but had elected to be strong and face her own choice.

"You're happy today." Cassandra observed with faux cheerfully, helping Amelia unlace the dress she was wearing and taking hold of the bedpost to let her tighten the stays of her corset.

"Well," Amelia began, "I don't suppose I've told you, milady, but Thomas arrived in London yesterday and sent me a missive. I do not wish to take anything for granted, but I would certainly appreciate it if I could, at least, meet him once."

"Take as long as you need." Cassandra said, genuinely pleased for the other girl. It only reminded her, however, of her own issues with Kit but she forced a smile on to her face. "Do you plan to marry him?" She asked, looking downwards as she ran a finger along the lovely cream silk of her evening dress.

"I want to." Amelia admitted, her cheeks colouring instantly. "And I do think he wishes to as well. I hope to receive a proposal tomorrow."

Proposal. That one word had been haunting Cassandra these past two weeks. She hated it now.

"Congratulations." She said, slipping into the dress while Amelia bent her head to lace it up in an attempt at hiding her steadily growing blush.

"You don't mind my leaving, do you, milady?" Amelia asked, her voice filled with hope.

"Of course not!" Cassandra assured her immediately, watching as her face filled with relief. "As I said before, how could I begrudge you your happiness?"

"Thank you." She said, and Cassandra hugged her swiftly. There was soon another knock on the door and, before anyone could answer it, it swung open and Nate walked in, trying and failing to fasten his cufflinks, his hair as messy as always.