"Nikki, would you stop staring at me." Vince held the box as if he were about to open it.
"HURRY UP AND OPEN THE DAMN THING!" Tommy suddenly spoke up.
"Oh fine, you impatient idiot." Vince slowly lifted up the golden latch that held the box shut.
"I wanna see!" Mick leapt up from his place at the chair as they all huddled around Vince, with Nikki to close to him for comfort.
Inside the lavish box was a key, meticulously carved from pure emerald. Strangely enough, as Vince held the precious object, it seemed to glow from deep within itself. Or maybe they're all hallucinating because, I dunno, they're idiots, I guess. 'Cept Mick though, he's cool.
"What on earth could this even be for?" Vince rotated his hand slowly to get a good look at it.
"How long did it take to make that?" Nikki reaches out to take if for himself. As he did, he gently brushed his hand against Vince's, as if to entice him.
"WHY would anyone make it anyways?" Tommy asked, sounding like the mere idea of keys and locks confounded him.
"Hey, what about that room underneath our house?" Mick suggested quietly.
"HAIRSPRAY!" Nikki shouted triumphantly while raising the key in the air. All four of them charged through the house and into the bathroom. One by one the came down the ladder.
"Wait, where's the key?" Nikki looked down his fake cleavage like he had stowed it in there, even though he didn't
"It's right here." Vince bent down to get it, and you know what happened?
HE SPLIT HIS PANTS.
Mick and Tommy both screamed and Nikki, that Vince obsessed bassist, fainted. He saw the first half of his prize and just fell over. From the floor, his face was frozen in a creepy smile.
"HOLY CRAP HE DIED A THIRD TIME!" Tommy pointed at the floor where Nikki has fallen, "Great goin' Vince, we need a new bassist now."
"MICK! GIMME YOUR JACKET!" Vince cried while holding his shirt down so nothing was visible.
"Nuh uh. Wearing leather pants 101, never bend over with them on. That especially goes for you and Nikki. Also," Mick popped the collar on his jacket, "I like this jacket more than I like you."
"Rude."
"Come on Vince, don't be shy. After the Tonight We Need A Lover incident, nothing's been sacred." Tommy interjected, "Also, in math terms, Vince+Nikki+Girl=Tonight, But Vince+Nikki-Girl is, well..."
"Vince and Nikki sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes hairspray in a baby carriage!" Mick sang gleefully while doing a dance that Tommy joined in on.
"I'm all for that plan." Nikki said with a lovestruck cadence in his voice. From the floor he attached himself to Vince's waist.
"Freakin'—Nikki get off of me!"
"No! Not until I get your DNA!" Nikki looked up ant him and smiled, "In my mouth."
"OH MY GOD!" Tommy and Mick screeched in unison.
"I don't get it..." Vince trailed off as he tried to fathom what on Earth Nikki has meant.
"Okay, Vince, it's a good thing you're pretty." Mick laughed.
"Think about it, man. How do humans reproduce? Through the exchange of genetic material, right?" Tommy took the liberty of explaining.
"Right." Vince echoed.
"So..." Tommy muttered, Think about it."
"Not following." Vince tried to get Nikki to release him.
Frustrated with Vince's two brain cells, he leaned over and whispered what Nikki meant.
"OH! How did I miss that?" He paused and practically transformed into a cherry tomato, "Wait..."
"Are you considering it? Nikki asked hopefully.
"Uh..." Vince stuttered over his words, "I think uh...I'd li—"
"OH LOOK IS THAT THE KEYHOLE!" Mick pointed at the wall so suddenly Nikki fell off of Vince. He lifted the key the the ground.
"What WHERE?!" Nikki's head shot up.
"OVER THERE?" Mick threw the key into a shadowed area, "Fetch, boy!"
"MINE!" Nikki chased after it, he returned with it in his mouth and on all fours.
"Aww! Who's a good boy! You're a good boy!" Mick reached down and pat him on the head.
"No! I'm a bad boy!" He said with the key still between his teeth.
"Says the guy wearing pink lingerie." Tommy muttered.
"UH!" He spat the key out, "I am all man and you know it!"
Mick and Tommy burst into laughter.
"Okay, fine." Nikki admitted while he picked up the key covered in his spit, "Maybe I'm not 100% testosterone, but Vince is. And he makes up for it."
They laughed even harder, I mean, who wouldn't.
"I'M GONNA THROW UP STOP!" Tommy cried and fell to the floor laughing so hard he was practically crying.
"It's not that funny." Vince crossed his arms.
"Y'KNOW WHAT'S EVEN BETTER?!" Mick crashed to the ground beside Tommy, "NIKKI'S WEARING WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR!"
"Know what's really funny? Vince added, "Tommy still has cereal in his hair."
"YEAH WELL...YOU SPLIT YOUR PANTS!" Tommy pointed.
"AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WET YOURSELF WHEN I DUMPED COFFEE ON YOU!" Mick pounded the floor in his fit of laughter.
"What?! The coffee was hot, the water was cold, what else was I supposed to do? Scream in pain?"
"Ah, the perfect storm. Literally cuz, hot and cold is how storms form." Mick explained his joke after no one laughed, "What?"
"Nerd." Nikki coughed conspicuously.
YOU ARE READING
WHO STOLE THE HAIRSPRAY?!(Completed)
FanfictionAw crap. Someone stole Nikki Sixx's hairspray. In a frantic attempt to find it, he drags his band and Guns N' Roses along. Who knows who took it? Not me. I mean, we do know whoever did it isn't very bright. And for some reason not to my knowledge, e...
